My Happy Place

BYE BYE BLOGSPOT

2010-09-20T23:44:00.001+01:00

moved to Tumblr

http://shopliftathoughtortwo.tumblr.com/

In The Cold, Cold Night...

2010-09-03T21:09:00.000+01:00

In all honesty, I don't have that much to say, but I haven't updated in so long, it is definitely blog o'clock.

What's new? Well, I am very happy right now. Things are going rather well at the moment. Apart from school. It is absolutely exhausting and I'm struggling to cope with Advanced Maths, the reason being, I have missed so much and I can't catch up. I know I'm the one to blame but that just makes it even more frustrating. I don't even feel like doing maths right now (and yeah, I have my moments when I do). I feel like waking up early in the morning, reading books, listening to music and painting/drawing. Having nice, quiet days, away from noisy, always busy people. People who spend their lives worrying about things that, at the end of the day, don't matter at all. People living by rules and guidelines, going about their day, without stopping and thinking about what the hell they're actually doing and its significance. People who fail to see beauty in the small things and always want more, even though what they already have is too much already. You get the point, I hate people. I want to be able to do nothing (nothing being, whatever I want, not whatever I have to do..)

I went to Glasgow on Wednesday, and I'm not gonna lie, I absolutely loved it. I have been to other open days, but Glasgow is definitely the right place for me. I just felt like I belong there. For uni anyway. After that I would really like to go live abroad. Hopefully I'll get a chance.

My dad just came in and told me that my laptop might catch on fire one day... What?
That was random...

The past few days I have been so exhausted, I've been going to bed at 9/10ish. It doesn't help, I am still really tired the next day. I think something is wrong with me...

Anyway, it's time for me to go. I will probably update this more often now for a bit, before, once again, I abandon it. I like to keep my posts short these days.

Goodnight all x

You're innocent when you dream.

Beginning of the End

2010-08-18T18:25:00.002+01:00

So... last first day of school. I will never again have a first day of school. Such a weird thought, off to uni in like a year now! Oh dear!

The first day back was actually rather successful. After 4 hour sleep, I woke up in a fantastic mood, kinda excited to be back. I was getting really bored of just doing nothing all day. So I went to school, in my uniform, and spent all day helping 1st years and taking them to classes. I didn't actually have a lesson till period 5 so it was awesome. That's as much detail as I'm gonna go into. I am very tired right now, it was a very hectic day!

And, I've decided I will be taking a picture everyday, or at least try to. So that by the end of the year I'll have lots of photos and great memories to look back at. :)
so yeah

Tomorrow I will try to take a picture of my wee buddies :)

Day 1: Me and Eireann, at about 3:20, just outside maths, on our way to get our first years :) I am glad such a fantastic moment was captured! I really missed Eireann and her banter, so I'm glad we're reunited again!

First day of my last year at high school was really great, even though we got abused by younger years (as expected), and didn't know what was happening half the time! A nice way to start a FUN year (hopefully)!

Byes x

And finally photos part 3!

2010-08-16T10:36:00.003+01:00

Woo! This is mainly me and people :)

Me and my wee cousin when they came over last year. I love this photo haha

I found it and just laughed.. Me being silly about 3 years ago...


This one HAD to be uploaded. This is my dad, ladies and gentlemen. Papa Gromala. No wonder I turned out the way I am...

My cousin, Paulina.

Me and my mum's friend's daughter. She's a ledge. Also, check out the haircut!

When did I get so attractive?

It's blurry but it makes me laugh anyway.

Check out the hair in this one! Remember when my hair was all blue and pink and stuff? Yeah, then it went like THAT. Awful colours... But still, fun times.

Wtf, is that green? eww


The only acceptable photo of me riding this wild beast! It was called Nowik, and yes, it's a pony...

Enough of this gay banter. I hope you enjoyed this little trip back in time with the Olgamon.

Olga out x

Photos pt 2

2010-08-16T10:19:00.002+01:00

Part two:

Going up the cable car. You can see the town from here and how high we were.

The view from the top

And again! So pretty!

And here's me! In my skiing goggles.

And again!

LOL

Check me out.

Dancing..?


Ready to go! Nearly.

And ... this me walking my dog..? haha It was very cold. Look at the snow!

Photos pt 1

2010-08-16T10:06:00.002+01:00

Okay, so here are some photos I recently found on my computer! I am very happy I found them, some made me nearly cry.. ahh memories. Some are priceless, some are just awful, I mean.. seriously? My hair looked like THAT?! But most of them are lovely. There aren't many photos of me, because I am usually on the other side, taking the pictures... But there is a couple. Enjoy.

Now that is some REAL snow. haha


Not everyone has a view like this from their bedroom window ;)

And a view like this in winter.

This is my cat, called Cat (in Polish "Kot") Very original... And he is not dead...


Animal cruelty at its worst.


Just as you thought it couldn't get worse!

Awww the cat stole my dog's (Lata) his bed. How rude!

Om nom nom? Evil cat.

My awesome photography skills!

And again.

And.. yeah...

SNOW!!!

And this one is actually in Scotland. But I really like it so there lol

Okay, this was part 1 with some lovely photos of Poland and my cat and dog. I will have two more parts, one with some photos from when I went skiing and some.. well, just whatever is left haha

Day 2 and Sports

2010-08-16T09:22:00.000+01:00

Right so today was my second day of getting up at 6AM and going for a wee run at the bevy. My legs, so not used to any form of exercise, are kinda sore now, but they'll get better soon. I remember the time when I used to be very fit. Yes, there was a time where I exercised about 4 times a week at least. Back in Poland.

It started when I was about 9 years old when I started horse riding. My first summer camp. Two weeks of getting up at 4 to help out with the horses then having breakfast at 8 and then at some point during the day doing half an hour of horse riding, playing lots of games, hanging out, getting to know each other and learning some theory. And cold showers, unless you were lucky enough to have a shower earlier than everyone else haha. Then staying up till midnight and telling each others stories. Fun times!

Later that year my parents decided to sign me up for skiing lessons. Loved it! Met lots of new people and had a lot of fun. During the winter I went skiing about 4 times a week, in the evenings and Saturdays. When there was no snow, we would go to the gym, and either play basketball/volleyball/football/handball, or do some running outside, or go cycling. Stuff like that. It was tiring but so awesome. And at school I would take part in all school championships and stuff and I was very much a sports person. And believe it or not, I was very good too. I won lots of things for the school, got some medals, stuff like that. Oh and I did dancing as well, and tennis lessons twice a week. And I would go everywhere on my bike. So yeah, those were the good old days.

And then I moved here. And there was nowhere to go and nothing to do and for 4 years I didn't do anything. I put on some weight, which was alright actually because it wasn't much and I was very skinny to start with and had a fast metabolism (still do). But right now I am the fattest I've ever been. And okay, I know it's not that bad but for me it means that it's getting worse, and if I don't do anything now I'll just keep gaining weight till I'm properly fat. So I decided to go running :)

So yeah, that's the story, I was gonna keep it short but.. yeah...

Also, I just found like 1000 old photos from Poland and some from Scotland and I will do a post soon with just the photos. Not all of them though...

My Body's At Home, But My Heart's In The Wind

2010-08-15T08:08:00.001+01:00

Don't you think that the world looks so beautiful at 6AM? Yea, that's right, I got up at 6 and went for a run and I am so proud of myself because I've been wanting to do so for ages but never got round to it. It was freezing, at first anyway, but it was so quiet and foggy and I really enjoyed that. I don't like people, you see. I only went for half an hour but I'll try to do it every morning, before school. Now that's gonna be a challenge...

Also, I finally got my photo taken for my passport/provisional, and I look like an ugly drug dealer. But what did I expect.. haha. So yeah, I'll try to send away my form and stuff and get a provisional ASAP, and then a car. Yep, I'll get a car before I get lessons. The logic behind it is that I will have to get a car anyway at some point, so I might as well get it now and then pay less for lessons as my parents will teach me. And as to insurance, the car will be a shitty, wee, old thing most likely so it shouldn't be THAT much...

Anyway, I really can't wait to live alone. And by 'alone' I mean away from my parents. I want to be more independent, responsible for myself. And be able to do whatever the hell I want haha. But I still have a year left of high school... awful times. I will try to make the most of it though. I really wish I was going to uni this year, and I kinda regret not applying. But I did want to stay on for 6th year for funsies, get involved in all the committees and do lots of charity stuff and all that. But since then my circumstances have changed slightly and I really wish I was going to uni now. Plus I cannot stand my parents anymore. They are really irritating! Ohhhh well. I will live.

Now, it's time for me to go. I am absolutely freezing, and slightly tired.

Breakfast, then book in bed. Brrrrrr!
Bye bye.

Untitled.

2010-08-14T21:54:00.002+01:00

Trying to find the right words is probably the most difficult thing in your life. How do you describe what you feel, what you think, what you dream? Words are so limiting, confusing. You waste your life always trying to find the right things to say. Sometimes words just aren't right at all. Say only what needs to be said. Nothing more, nothing less.

Planning a birthday party is not fun. I just want my best friends around. I'm not too fussed about what actually happens. I want to be happy. Feel loved. Stuff like that. And get wasted. I'll be 18 after all!

Love.
Olga out.

Clap Hands

2010-08-13T19:18:00.008+01:00

Life?
Reading, coffee and Tom Waits. Beasts staring at me. Memories, always good. Familiar but so strange. Sun sets but it rises once more, there's hope. Time to try again, harder. New star, shining. Happiness, a fresh beginning. Yet so scared; not too early, not too late, can I make it? Surely, no one can go through it again, so what if? No, I shall worry not. Happy, at last.
.......
Finally, read the Call of Cthulhu. Enjoyed it but found it really difficult. Come back to it in a couple of months, maybe years. I love H.P. Lovecraft. So creepy. The creature awaits.

"What has risen may sink, and what has sunk may rise. Loathsomeness waits and dreams in the deep, and decay spreads over the tottering cities of men. A time will come - but I must not and cannot think!"

Also,
I drew a horse.

Good things.

2010-08-05T14:03:00.009+01:00

The 4th and 5th of August this year have been two extremely important days for many people. The reason? Exam results. Extremely important to those of us who need grades to get to university, like me. The thought of it was so stressful I wanted to make sure someone else was there with me when the results came. I was one of the people to get them via text/e-mail on the 4th, so that day I went to Klone's house, where later Stuart came, and together we had a fantastic afternoon, listening to Pink Floyd, making coffee, pot noodles and pancakes. Then the text came. I covered it with my hand and unveiled the results one by one.
Art - A
English - B
Maths - A
Music - A
Philosophy - A
Physics - A
Now, these results are everything I hoped for and more. A in English was impossible as it's not even my first language and it was crashing higher. So, as you can imagine, those results made me shiver with happiness, jump up and down and scream. And all I can say is.. in your faces, English teachers, who didn't think I'd be able to handle higher English!!!

I know that not everyone got what they hoped for, but it is not the end of the world, exam results aren't everything and nothing is over yet. And well done to those who got what they wanted, you deserved it.

Now, the exam results are one of the things that make me happy right now. Other ones being amazing friends, a boyfriend that makes me happy, holidays (lots of free time!), and the future. The future because the exam results mean I will not have to work next year at all really. I probably still will, because I will not be able to stand failing NABs and prelims, and since it's Advanced Highers, it'll also be a challenge and I like challenges, but the point is, I won't need to stress out about it. The priority this year is my personal statement, and choosing the right course at university.

And that one is going to be quite a challenge. I mean, with my results (which suggest I am good at all those subjects) I could do nearly anything. The past year or so I have spent saying I will do physics and philosophy, but I have not been 100% sure at any point yet, not about physics anyway. I mean, I find it really interesting, and I love it, but it might just be too difficult. That's what I'm scared of: not being able to cope with it. And is it something I want to do for the rest of my life? Well, until I retire anyway. I have no idea... But I realize that not many people do know those things at this stage, or ever once they actually do the course, so I'm staying positive and I'm gonna go with the flow!

My dad has been saying something about art. But as much as I enjoy drawing and painting and stuff, it's not something I'd want to "study". Plus, to achieve anything you have to be really good, which I don't think I am. Although I have done some drawing recently, and I am proud of them. They are drawings of dragons, and don't ask me why dragons, because I don't even know. Just kinda felt like drawing dragons I suppose...
Anyway here are my dragons:

The top one was my first quick pencil drawing, just to see what it'd look like. Then I had a wee shot at colour and drew the other three. The blue one is a water dragon.

Anyway, that's it really.

Olga out. xx

A Quick One

2010-08-03T22:26:00.002+01:00

After an EPIC night at Alex Horan's (who, btw is an absolute legend and I love her!) and no sleep whatsoever, 7 mugs of coffee, and seeing my best friends perform my favorite thing right now, Rent, I have been a very very very happy bunny today!

Rent was fantastic, there were silly things like "...I'm Pam!" and "Would you light my FINGER?" and some skillful improvisations (I'm looking at you Mr Taylor), but everyone was so amazing. My parents were very impressed too, my mum even cried for 15 minutes during it! And I cried too. So gooooood!

And then staying up all night, making Juan Valdez...EPIC! I could go into more detail as to what happened last night and today but the people that should, already know, and the rest probably won't care. Point is, it was great.

Tomorrow is a very important day. Two words: Exam. Results.
I am shitting it as those results will affect 6th year, and indeed my future. But oh well, not much I can do now. I have one of those strange feelings where I know what will happen. So I predict a B in higher Maths.. which I will hate. But if that happens, I will take it like a man!

Anyway, there really isn't much to say. I am very tired, as I only got 3 hours sleep in 36 hours. And my coffee addiction is getting worse and worse, so from now on, HALF POOOOOOOOOOOOTS haha!

I wish everyone good luck for tomorrow, and Thursday for those who are not getting the results via text/e-mail. Let's hope we all get what we deserve (or more)!

I will speak to you tomorrow afternoon when the e-mail comes through. Unless I kill myself before I get a chance to.

Goodbye, goodnight.
xxx

Girl.

2010-08-02T02:03:00.003+01:00

Not the most original/creative name, but it is 2.05 in the morning.

I was reading my book (and discovered that it makes it a lot more fun SINGING the dialogues, especially if it's Plato's Republic, AND that Socrates in my head has a very deep voice apart from when he says/sings the word "justice". I am so easily amused) and then I said to myself "enough of this gay banter" and I did a drawing. Now, I had never tried doing a portrait with oil pastels, because they aren't really my favorite medium but there is something interesting about them, and for that reason I decided to do a portrait in pastels. That and the fact there was NOTHING else to draw, that I haven't done before.

Because it's oil pastels I was aware right from the start that the face WILL be deformed, and I was so not wrong. Especially the eyes. Detail and pastels do not go together well. But as it was my very first attempt I am quite pleased and slightly surprised at the result.

There is a moth in my room. DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Okay sorry about that, I'm back now.

So yeah, it's not amazing in any way (or even good for that matter) but it was my first successful attempt at portraiture using oil pastels, and I'm sure there will be more to come once I get more comfortable with them.

The girl in the drawing is based on me, but it is not meant to be me. I really don't like drawing self-portraits because it means I'm forced to stare at my face for ages and no-one would like that. So I decided to use my face as a model, just to keep her looking human, but it is not me.
It's weird how she's smiling but she doesn't really seem happy. I did not intend her to look like that to be honest, but I didn't really know what I wanted her to look like when I started drawing haha. She's probably not happy because she has a big, deformed face and looks like a fish. But who knows. LOL

This is like my 3rd blog in the past 24 hours, which is just not right really. I think I've just been sort of bored or something. But to be honest I am quite surprised at how long I've had this blog for. I didn't think I would last that long. Btw this is my 52nd post. The fact that I have little to say makes it even more impressive. I like it here, it's sort of a 'me' place, and I needed that. Of course anyone can look inside my 'happy place', but that kinda like in life, I don't have many secrets, I don't hide from anything, anyone can really ask me anything, have a wee look inside. Now that sounded dirty. My bad.

It's half 2 now, time to end this silly nonsense.

Off to never never land.

Happiness

2010-08-01T16:33:00.005+01:00

So, if you don't count the random thing I posted last night/this morning, I have not blogged in a while. I got tired of just blogging about insignificant things like about things I did that day or developing a "thing" like the lyrics in the title. So now it's just going to be whatever I want. The way it was always meant to be. This means I will say whatever I want, whenever I want. And I will only say there's a "fresh post" up via Twitter, not the Book of Face, so if you care, check it out every now and again. (@OKatG)

So I woke up today, and since I don't really have any plans for the day, I just stayed in bed for as long as it was possible without my muscles turning into cooked spaghetti. I hate that. I hate not doing anything. My plan was to tidy up, at least, but the wound on my back is proving to be more painful than anticipated, and I can't bend down to pick things up and as a large percentage of my things are on the floor, tidying up has never been so painful. I gave up. It'd get messy in a couple of days anyway...

So what did I do instead? Surprisingly something somewhat productive. I read some science articles, including one about happiness. It was rather interesting actually.

So what is happiness?
"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."
-Aristotle

Happiness is not money, or sex or food or whatever. You can be rich but unhappy, poor and happy. In fact if you look at the world now, so developed, we have the ability to provide ourselves with almost whatever we desire. Yet, depression rates are higher than ever.

What the article said was that watching TV (no matter how big the screen is) can be enjoyable but doesn't make us HAPPY. We are the happiest when we are doing something challenging. Not too easy, because it would become boring, and not too hard, to avoid frustration. Why do challenging activities bring happiness? Example: Playing chess (I am so sophisticated... haha). When you play chess, or any similar game, you are fully focused on trying to beat the opponent. You don't think about paying your bills, or in my case, exam results. Playing chess offers a clear goal, immediate feedback and a chance to improve, it's challenging but not impossible. So, people are the happiest when they engage in a challenging activity that requires skill. Such activities allow you to sort of grow as a person and that brings happiness.

That's where happiness differs from pleasure. Pleasure can be achieved effortlessly and does not result in any growth in our sense of self. Pleasure doesn't necessarily bring happiness.

See? Interesting.

And I have always sort of known it, because I enjoy learning, playing games, just doing something challenging. I always have. I am really not happy doing nothing, although having time to myself, to relax, is awesome every now and then. But I am (KINDA) looking forward to going back to school. I will finally be doing something. Getting up at 7 in the morning will probably be the biggest challenge (but will it make me happy?!)..

Another point the article I read made was that most children are happier during the school year, than the holidays, but if asked, they wouldn't want their holidays to end. Sounds a bit silly. But the reason for that is quite simple: school kills creativity and fun and the will to learn. I'm sure many children would be happy to learn something interesting but the moment someone tells them to do it, they try to avoid it as much as possible. Many reasons why I hate school, that being one of the main ones. To be honest, I don't really want to go into that right now, but I will come back to the whole school thing again at some point in the future though. If I remember.

Moving on.

I have said about 10 words today. Mum's out, dad's watching a film, I'm being a geek. I haven't really said much to anyone online either. Haven't received any texts. I think that's where the need to blog again came from. I don't mind though. As much as I hate doing nothing (and it doesn't bring me any happiness!), every now and again I like to have me to myself. It's refreshing. I suppose I'm having a bit of an anti social day. A bit of a 'me' time.

On that note, I will end this post. I will be back.

Olga out
x

Tom Waits and Coffee.

2010-08-01T01:43:00.004+01:00

How did I get here?

Do you ever try to remember something that happened to you a while ago, and it just doesn't feel like it was you. The you from the now. It's a different person, it feels like a different person. And the actions of my present self are just determined by the memories of what my past self did, and what I remember as being the right things to do or whatever. Is there a self? Is there just here and now? Does that mean I can change and be a completely different person whenever I want to? It feels like that. So what's stopping me? What am I anyway? Just a bunch of atoms held together by chemical bonds, forces between protons and electrons, or whatever. And a "mind", whatever that is. Technically I am made mostly out of...nothing. So how the hell...?

I look up. I look down. And now it feels like the person that looked up wasn't me. I mean, it happened like a second ago but now it's just a memory. Memory isn't perfect, how do I know that it actually happened. Maybe I was created just a second ago, with a bunch of fake memories planted in my head. There's no proof, so does that make me less human? In what way am I better than just some sort of a robot, with fake memories, like in a film or something.

I think too much. Breathe and start again.

Memories are what makes me... me. So do I change the past, to change myself? How would one do that? Messing with memories, would that make me, not me? Perhaps, but maybe I would still be the same person, perceived in a slightly different way?

Another deep breath.

How am I meant to learn anything if I don't even know what or who I am?

I can't.

Breathe and be quiet. Words are so limiting. I don't need a language. Silence.
Hand. What is hand?

I'll Be The Pennies, On Your Eyes, For You Baby

2010-07-19T01:05:00.005+01:00

Hay.

Our new winner was Andrew McArdle, who guessed the song correctly (I didn't give him any hints, I SWEAR!..). After a day he decided he wants me to write a Pokemon vs Digimon post. And that is exactly what I wanted to do! So great. However this is not the post, because I've still to watch a lot of Digimon and Pokemon episodes and films, for my opinion to have any value at all. Right now I'm on episode 14 of the first season of Digimon, so I still have a lot to watch. I will "sample" other seasons and watch at least 3 films, and the same goes for Pokemon. I already know which one I like more, but first I will have to find good reasons to back up my argument. And yeh, I like Digimon more. And I will tell you exactly why, once I figure it out...

In the meantime, I will continue with the game, so leave a comment if you know what song those lyrics are from, and you'll get to choose your prize, and just to be clear, you choose your prize, because I couldn't think of anything specific. But as it turns out neither can my friends who just chose what I've to write about. Booooriii-... Fair enough :)

Also what I didn't include in my last post and was going to... rating out of 10. Dr Pepper gets from me... 3.6/10. Why 3.6? Purely because I can.

Oh, and it's also how I roll. Don't you ever forget that.

I had my first PJ's/no make up/messy hair day in a looong time. And to be honest I didn't like it. Apart from the Digimon marathon, o' course. And Rent.

Ahhh RENT!

Okay, so I came back from this party last night, the party was good, but I will not be going to Lochgelly ever again. One word: Neds. Still, me and Irv had fun. Gid perty lyk. I came back home, I went on my laptop.. as always, I played tetris. Such an addictive game! If you're bored, I recommend. Then it was about half 2..ish, and I decided I was not tired enough to hit the hay, so I watched a film. Rent it was called. It's a musical actually. I knew some of the songs, because my dear friends sing them at every party! But I had never seen it before. I watched, I laughed, I cried. Not many films make me emotional (I never cried at the Titanic!), but this one was so good, it got me very emotional. I felt like such a girl! haha. From when Angel dies, till the very end, it was like a waterfall. I thought the story was fantastic and the acting and singing were phenomenal.

After that I played tetris some more. Then when I woke up, the first thing I said to my mum was "you HAVE to watch Rent". She was like "whatever" but later, in the afternoon we sat down (the whole family, which does not happen very often.. never in fact..) and watched it. I cried even more.

But it wasn't just like one of those films that you watch, enjoy and then forget about. It really had such an impact on me, and I love when that happens, with films and songs and stories and books and things. For example, a band/artist can't get on my "favorites" list, until they have a song that makes me cry. It's usually because of how I relate to it, and what I associate with it. Like when I was down because of a sucky break up, I'd have a few songs that would make me feel better because I was able to relate to them, and now, even though I have completely moved on, those songs still trigger something and often make me feel like crying again. Or they provoke completely different emotions and make me happy, even though I once cried. Anyway, yeah, Rent was one of those films that really had an impact on me, and made me emotional. It's beautiful!

:)

And after watching it twice in a day, I would've been happy to watch it again. And I don't think I've ever watched the same film twice in a day before.

Moving on...
School huh?
Kidding, I will not mention school until I get my exam results, which is on the 4th (I believe)..
What's school?

Now, Twitter. Because I'm such a freak, my 100th, 500th, 1000th, 1500th, 2000th tweets ARE important to me, and I want them to be something special. Of course I missed my 1000th tweet, but I said to myself, I wasn't going to miss my 2000th one. And indeed, I'm on my 1999th one right now, and I'm waiting. Right now I don't have anything to say. Not anything worthy anyway, so I decided I'm going to wait until there really is something. And I have an idea of what I want it to be. But we'll see.

And even though I care about that kinda stuff (which I know makes no difference at all..) I value silence over words. I think silence can say more than any words. Words are meaningless. I'd be happy to live in a world where people can't talk. In fact, I'd probably prefer that. People really need to shut up, because you can't listen and talk at the same time. And people miss things, because they can't shut their mouths. I am a quiet person (usually) but that's the reason. I don't feel the need to talk unless it's to argue with someone who's clearly in the wrong (haha) or when drunk. And I never feel uncomfortable sitting there in silence with someone. I just feel that THEY might think that it's uncomfortable. And when they do, it does become awkward. But as long as they know that it's okay to just sit in silence, and enjoy the moment, silence is fine. I think being able to share silence with someone is better (and more rare) than being able to have a conversation with them. And sometimes silence can really say more.The way you look, the way you smile. People miss many things because they are too busy talking. You can often say everything you want to say with just a look, but no more than you should say, which sometimes happens with words. Once you start using words, it becomes complicated. How often do you find yourself saying the wrong things, not being able to show how you really feel because of the limits language creates? Exactly. Keep it simple. Life is complicated enough. Life lesson over. No running in the corridor, please.

It's 15 past 2. Time to sleep. And dream... yes, dream...

PS: And the painting? It's simple. I like simple.

So May I Introduce To You, The Act You've Known For All These Years!

2010-07-13T19:22:00.024+01:00

Morning!

We have a winner of the last Guess The Song competition thingy, and it's my dear friend Cailean! He correctly guessed the name of the song I quoted from in my last post, which was Try It Again by The Hives (love 'em!). As I said you kinda get to choose the prize yourself as I lack creativity... So he chose his prize: I have to write about Dr Pepper in this post. :D

I'll start with this. I had never had it until this week. Weird I know, but that's because I've never been a big soft drinks fan. Coffee+Tea+Apple Juice+Water...+Beer. That's the stuff!
Nevertheless, I had a lot of Dr Pepper this week, just for this post! That's dedication!!!

So where do I start? To write a good, long post about that particular beverage I first had to look it up on the internet. I started with Wikipedia. Let's see...

"Dr Pepper is a soft drink marketed as having a unique flavor. The drink was created in the 1880s by Charles Alderton of Waco, Texas and first served around 1885."

1885? That's like ..a long time ago! In comparison, Coca-Cola was first served just one year later in 1886...
Dr Pepper is also owned by the Coca-Cola Company. Surprise Surprise!

Now let's see what's actually in Dr Pepper... *looks at the "nutrition facts" bit*... 0% of everything apart from 40g of sugar (per serving). Not surprising at all. No benefits, only makes you fat. Typical!

And also, fun fact, they removed the period (.) after "Dr" in 1950s to help remove any medical connotation with the product. And for other reasons too. So guys, there's nothing healthy about this Dr!

I also started following Dr Pepper on Twitter (@OKatG if any one's interested in following me.. I say A LOT so I won't blame you if you decide to unfollow me at any point..), and I found out this fun fact!:
"Dr Pepper issued a series of Star Trek glasses in 1976, featuring Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy" LINK

Wowza.

Now, to find out some more I asked people on facebook/MSN/texts, what they thought about Dr Pepper! And here are some things they said...:

"One time I had dr pepper and it was soo good I jizzed"
-Irving Hanvey

"I like it"
-Richard Alexander

"He's not a very good doctor, he never helped me with my hemorrhoids."
-(Probably) what Mustard Trousers (Chris) would say if he wasn't in Spain... or something along those lines..

"Worse things could happen" -Stuart

"I could drink Dr Pepper until I was a balloon filled with Dr Peppery goodness, and I am not ashamed!!! Why?"
-Cara "Caramel Bear" Siskou

"It is horrible, it makes me feel sick! Fizzy vimto all the way"
-Hayley Smith

"Dr Pepper is awesome"
-Irving Hanvey

"It's horrible"
- Stephanie Duncan

"eew, doctor pepper, no"
-Amy Alison

"I used to drink it all the time when I was in high school and before that"
-Michal Majewski

"Tis awesome! Just like Olga"
-Ruth

"Good Shit"
-Cailean

"It's fruity, and cola-y at the same time!"
-Ruth

"Oasis is where the mouth party is at."
- Lewis

"If you don't like it I'll have to kill you,"
-Irving

So as you can see, Dr Pepper is something you either LOVE or HATE. And it seems most girls don't like it and most guys do. Therefore that makes Dr Pepper (mostly) a manly drink. Interesting!

Here is a photo of me drinking Dr Pepper for the first time from a shoe-shaped glass!

It was at Irving's. We played Guitar Hero all afternoon, like real men!

What about me? Did I like it? You've all been waiting to find that out! Well I might look happy in those photos but... the answer is... no, not really. I absolutely hated the smell of it, which put me right off it. The taste wasn't that bad, but I would not buy it again. In comparison to Coke.. it was equally shit. You see, I don't like Coke either, unless in a restaurant with food (like chips or something). Actually.. I like coke more than Dr Pepper. I'm sorry, it's pretty crap! But I will never forget the experience of drinking Dr Pepper from a shoe for the first time and then writing a blog about it!

Now the Guess The Song this is still on, so the first person to comment with the title of the song and the artist the title of this blog is from, is getting a prize! Woooo

Now I'll leave you with this: Coffee, Tetris, Digimon. Best Friday ever or what?!

Goodbye everyone, hope you enjoyed this post more than I enjoyed Dr Pepper! Now I'm going to prepare for death (Irving WILL kill me..).

Tata xx

PS: Digimon beats Pokemon!

You Get Up, You Get Down And You Try It Again.

2010-07-13T18:18:00.009+01:00

Afternoon.

You will have noticed that most of my posts have lyrics of songs as titles, and I'm going to make a game of it. The first person to guess what song the lyrics are from.. gets a prize. And they choose what they want, because I can't think of anything just now. Something like, they can ask me a question, or they get to choose what I'm writing about in the next post, or a mention or make me do a drawing (LOL) or something like that. Nothing too big haha. And after 20 posts, the person who's won the most will get a SPECIAL prize. Not sure what it'll be, but I will think of something in the near future. If you have any ideas, do share. I'm thinking about getting them a bottle of an alcoholic beverage of their choice (which will be a good prize if they're still under 18, not so good if they aren't...). So yeh, help me out if you have any ideas!

It'll also show who actually reads this, every now and again people say that they read it and it makes me feel nice.

The game/competition/thingy starts with this post, so the first one of you with the correct song+artist will be rewarded. GO GO GO!

Okay, that's that sorted. Now...

I'm not gonna talk a lot about my drawings because there is really nothing to talk about. Some are better than others, none of them are amazing, although I do think that is a successful banana...

Point is, this is my blog, and I can do whatever I want and I want to put all my drawings up because, I know they aren't amazing, and some of you will be able to do better ones, but they still make me happy, and I enjoy drawing and it's something really personal for me. Got it? Good

Now, I am fine, thank you. My hands are really sore as I've been playing Guitar Hero a lot lately. I set myself an impossible challenge of learning Through The Fire And Flames on expert before my birthday (in like 80 days or something). And I don't think I'll do it, but I will try my best and not give up. It's kind of a test to see if there is anything that I won't give up on even if it's hopeless. 'Cause that's usually the case, you try something and fail, then you try again, you fail, and then you just don't get back up, you give up, forget and move on. And I have done that many times. We all do it. It's quite logical really, isn't it? Why waste your time trying something you don't seem to get better at? But then on the other hand, if everyone just gave up on everything they try because they fail, we'd still be stuck in the dark ages. And that's why I'm going to keep trying to learn it, and even if by the 1st of October I'm still unable to complete the song, I will have succeeded. As long as I don't give up of course. I will try my hardest. Good luck me :)

I'll try to actually leave the house between now and the 1st of course.. I won't be one of those freaks that stay in all summer to play a video game.

Okay, that's enough for today, I'm gonna go draw or something. Good luck with the guess the song game... The blog's first step towards becoming like Never Mind The Buzzcocks!

Cya! <3

Gods Like A Joke As Much As Anyone Else

2010-07-09T12:54:00.012+01:00

You can't just give it all away
This is all we have saved
There is nothing here between us
This is not what we had planned
There's so much more
Got nothing without each other
We've got nothing

I am not playing a game with you
To show that I can get ahead
Just like any weak man would do
When he's losing

Aloha!
I just heard THIS song and I really liked it haha :) enjoy.

I'm going to try to post more often now, especially since I don't really have much to do! I've been in an artistic mood recently, and even though my drawings aren't that good, I think I'm improving a lot with every one of them, which makes me happy, and it means soon I will become better. In the meantime, don't be nasty about my drawings haha. I'm not good with criticism!

I've had lovely few days with my godmother, being out makes me feel good! Sadly the weather today isn't that great (I can only say "WAY!" to everyone who's currently at T In The Park), which means I will be staying inside all day. It also means I will actualy have to put clothes on as I'm too cold in just my jammies. Damn!

Seeing as I'm not in a band right now, I don't really feel like playing bass anymore so I might just quit... I don't know yet. I might end up being so bored I practice all the time and I actually become good, and if that happens I will find a band! Right now it's drawing I'm into and I will dedicate most of my time to that.

I'm also reading The Republic by Plato, and I finally finished the XXXIX or so pages of the introduction, which was rather boring but I decided to read it anyway and once I start I don't stop! So now I'm onto the actual dialogue and the interesting stuff. Once I finish I think I will go back to reading Terry Pratchett, as I have a lot of his books. They are all in Polish though, which I suppose is kind of a good thing as I'm starting to forget the language. I'm kinda getting to the point where instead of knowing two languages perfectly, I know none. Haha, that's so silly!

I keep thinking about what I want to do after high school. I know for sure I will do Philosophy at uni, but I'm thinking about doing it with Physics, because I want to be a physics teacher, but there are also many more career oportunities with a physics degree, so that would be a good choice. And philosophy just because I like it. I'm not even sure how uni works. Do you choose any three or two subjects or what? Haha. To be honest, right now I just feel like drawing. But art is not a very useful degree unless you want to be an art teacher, and I'd hate that for some reason. So yeh, we'll see how it goes and maybe eventually I'll make up my mind. As long as I enjoy whatever I do I'll be happy.

And those drawings are all mine, and I know they aren't that good and I can see that, but I think there is some improvement. The top one was my first one and the bottom one was my last one yesterday.

Now I'm off to do some more :D

Adios!

Are You Tired Of Being Alone?

2010-07-07T18:33:00.005+01:00

-"Shake It Out" by Manchester Orchestra.

My godmother is in town, which is fun, so the past few days I've been taking her places, like Edinburgh and the beach and things. Nothing that interesting. But we've done a lot of walking (for someone like me) which made me very tired and made my feet hurt. I used me be much more outdoorsy and sporty back in the day, but the past 4 years I have become really lazy and have been spending too much time on the laptop. It saddens me... But, I think it's going to change soon, because all this walking and being outside makes me feel better. Especially when it's somewhere nice like the park. The only problem with those places are people... I'm not really antisocial or anything, but I would just really like some quiet place where no-one disturbs me. And I think that has been part of the reason I prefer to stay indoors. But there is a couple of nice places where I'd like to go and relax and I think once my godmother goes away, I might just do something about it.

I also really want to fix my sleeping pattern, and I would really like to get up very, VERY early and go for a walk, or a wee run, before I put make up on and do my hair (like I do that anyway...) and stuff. At like 4 or 5 in the morning... I know it sounds insane, even to me, but I think it would benefit me. And 4 or 5 is really early but that just means no-one would be there to annoy me. I could just go to the beach or the park or both and enjoy the peace. I don't have to do that everyday either, maybe 3 times a week would be good. Just to be alone for a while you know, away from facebook and twitter and annoying people haha... Lolz, the more I think about it the more I want to do it! We'll see...

On an unrelated note, I kinda lost a friend last week. I doubt that person is reading this so I can say things. It's weird trying not to think about talking to someone after talking everyday for like 2 years, but I guess things like that have to happen, to allow better things to happen. It's kinda complicated and I don't really want to say that much about it here, but basically I decided I'm not going to be friends with my best friend. Haha, wow that sounded really silly. Maybe it is, but I don't think they think it's a bad idea as they never disagreed or actually said anything about it apart from "oh". Perhaps we just never were friends then. Who knows. My godmother's been keeping me busy this week, so maybe I'll be used to not talking to them and it'll be fine once she goes away and I have nothing to do again. Plus it's the holidays so I'm not really gonna go more than a couple of days without doing anything. Jolly good!

I just noticed that I don't really post any pictures these days, so I'm going to change that.

This is a drawing I did the other day with coloured pencils. It's nothing special but it was the first drawing I've done in months. To be honest I've only done like 3 other (rubbish ones too) since then, but I bought some pastels the other day and I really like them, so I might conceive something soon.

That's all for now, I'm going to go watch the Germany v Spain game now :)

PS: I just randomly came across this song on youtube, and I haven't heard of them before, but I enjoyed the song so there ya go.

First To Reach The Stars Wins A Broken Heart

2010-07-01T15:34:00.002+01:00

Afternoon Followers!

I'm just help my mum clean the house. But now I'm sitting with the front door open, right next to it, because I absolutely stink of various cleaning products. Bad times...
All that because my godmother is coming to visit all the way from Poland, so we want the house to shine! Thanks to said cleaning products my hands are pretty shiny right now.. I don't think that's supposed to happen... I'll live.. I think.. If my lungs can survive the toxic air..

Anyhoo, apart from that nothing much is happening. I'm looking forward to seeing my godmother, she's awesome. And with her visit... FREE HOUSE. For the weekend anyway. My parents decided to roam the highlands with my godmother for 3 days, and I managed to convince them to let me stay here. I'm really surprised they actually said it was okay. I think they know I'd just moan all the time if I went, like the last time when my uncle and his miniature wife visited. I say "miniature" because she's actually very tiny. And annoying. But that's a different story all together. Hmmm The weather in the highlands is always so crap. I hate it. I hate Scotland because of the weather! The rest is alright.

Right now I'm eating crisps, drinking apple juice, listening to the Foo Fighters.. I should be in school, but I never went all week.. I'm sure they miss me very much. The school is probably on fire, without me. I'm crucial... The reason I've not been in is very simple: I can't be bothered. Like seriously, more than usually. They expect us, after months and months of really hard work and tonnes of stress caused by the exams, to, after 5 days of freedom, start the whole process again. After the exams I was way too mentally exhausted to do anything, and the only reason I actually survived those two weeks of Advanced Highers is that I wasn't in my classes a lot. I had other duties nearly every day. Thank God. But if I had to go in another week I'd shoot myself in the face. To be fair, on monday I was ill, but then decided not to go for the rest of the week. I am happy with my decision. I got up to cool stuff. Like, I finished all seasons of an awesome TV show, How I Met Your Mother; I ate a lot and slept a lot, which is ALWAYS a good thing; I went out and enjoyed the sun, while it was still there. Overall, time well-spent.

Anyway, my eye-sight is getting worse and worse, which is extremely irritating as I can't see anything without my glasses these days. And I look even more dorky than I am, with the glasses on. Once I have enough money I will get laser surgery to fix my eyes. Technology is a wonderful thing! Lol.

Well, I think this is all for today. I need to get back to cleaning the house! Fun times!

Adios!

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-24T17:52:00.005+01:00

"I've Got Friends In All The Right Places, I Know What They Want And I Know They Don't Want Me To Stay."

I am so sorry. It's been like a month so I have a lot of catching up to do... I don't even know where to start!!!!

Well, a lot of changes. First of all, I am in 6th year now. Yep, I'm a big girl now, I can tie my own shoelaces!... nah

I am the oldest pupil at St Andrew's. And Deputy Head Girl. And I love it! I get a lot of duties (or have been for the past 2 weeks) but I don't have to do any speeches or anything, so I'm really glad. I'm doing 4 subjects in about 3 columns (yep, strange), and I'm not really enjoying any of them to be honest. And I've done like no work at all. That's just how I roll!

I also decided to take some pictures every week at school, for the yearbook or something. But I decided to start that after the summer haha.

But yeah, 6th year has been great, I get on with everyone, and I thought I was gonna miss last year's 6th years but, no offence, I really don't! I like my year more and more, they're a hoot.

Right, I'll try to keep the rest short..

I went to see Taylor Hawkins, the drummer from the Foo Fighters on the 9th. I high fived the bassist and got lots of pictures and autographs! It was one of the best nights of my life. Thank you!

NEXT

I just wanna say I miss Lydiaa and Heather loads. They are awesome.

NEXT

The Thunderbuns played at the awards ceremony, and we rocked. A wee 2nd year came up to me on Wednesday and said I was good at guitar. I felt so happy!

NEXT

I never got an award even though I did 6 highers in my second language (yeh I keep saying that..). But I don't mind. I did at first but now I really don't. The winners deserved it more. All good!

NEXT

They sell potato wedges at ASDAs and they are GREAT.

NEXT

The lack of posting was caused by my laziness. I am one lazy bitch. Especially now when I have to do work.. which I don't do. To be honest after the exams, I don't want to do any work ever again. And so far, I've been doing great with that haha

NEXT

I'm pretty ill at the moment, but hopefully I'll be better by tomorrow... (everyone go "awww")

NEXT

Have fun at prom guys.

NEXT

I keep losing and breaking things.

LASTLY

I met Gordon Brown, ex-prime minister of Great Britain. He is really nice and smiles a lot. I like him.

Okay, I clearly don't have much to say haha I guess thats about it really.. I will try to conceive something more proper as soon as I can be bothered and get better. Being ill sucks, especially when you have plans! Oh well, get well soon Olga!

Tata

The Unsung Hero

2010-06-06T13:20:00.006+01:00

Last night the last episode of a BBC series called I'm In A Rock And Roll Band, which, in every episode, went through each member of a rock band: The singer, the guitarist, the drummer and...the "other one", was on.

Yes, that other one is a bassist or a keyboard player or someone...

And in the last night's final 3 people from each category and 3 bands, were represented by some comedians, radio presenters etc and the public phoned and voted for the best one. Apart from the bassist. The bassist was just chosen by the people online. And it was Flea, which is fair enough.
And I'm very happy with the other winners, because I myself voted for most of them.

But my problem here is how the bassist is always overlooked. Of course this is from the view point of a bassist (or at least I like to call myself that)... And here I'm going to try to prove that bass is actually important... and that it IS a real instrument, Andrew...

I just wanna say before I start that there are of course exceptions to everything haha

I'm going to start with saying: no, not every band needs a bass player, it does depend on the music you want to play, the genre. And its importance varies from style to style and from band to band. For example The White Stripes are amazing, and they hardly ever have bass. They have simple riffs and simple rhythms. But it just works for them, it really does. But then you have, let's say, Red Hot Chili Peppers. Now that's a band where the bass is crucial. They would not be where they are right now if it wasn't for Flea and his bass, I think everyone agrees with that. So the role of bass varies from band to band. But it doesn't mean bass isn't important, which is what some people think.

"Bass is just a guitar with less strings."
No. Bass provides a link between the drums and the guitars. The reason it (usually) has less strings, is because it doesn't need more. Bass is MEANT to play the low notes. The bass combines with drums to establish the beat and it counters the treble of the guitar/piano/vocals. Bass adds depth to the music. Without it, the music sounds hollow and thin. You might not notice it when it's there, but unless there is something to replace it, like a keyboard, you notice when it's not there.

"Bass is not important."
Bullshit. Bass is the foundation. Drums and bass round out the sound and build a solid rhythm foundation that will lift the song up to the next level. Bass supports the melody while syncing with drums to form that solid groove. Of course, as I said, the role of bass varies from band to band, but essentially, it is crucial. And as the foundation, you'll notice when a bassist makes mistakes, as bassists along with drums, establish the rhythm. When the guitarist makes a mistake, plays a wrong note or screws up completely, people don't care as much, they notice of course, as it's the most noticeable instrument, but as long as the bassist and the drummer keep going, it's all good. Once the bassist screws up, the rhythm and therefore the song falls apart (again not the case with EVERY song or EVERY band, but in general it's true). Just like in a building, the guitar and the vocals are at the top, and the bass and drums are the foundation of the construction, and once they fail, the building collapses. The bass is the anchor that keeps everything together. Without it. everything would sound brittle, cold and sterile. As it's both a rhythmic and a melodic instrument, it bridges the gap between drums and guitar. And if you're a drummer, you will know how important it is to have a good bassist, and how much easier it makes it for you when you know that the bassist knows what he's doing. The reason bass doesn't seem as important as other instruments is that it's NOT meant to be the leading, most noticeable instrument (unless you're Flea or Jaco Pastorius or someone). The role of bass is to play in the background, providing a foundation, on which the rest of the song is developed upon. My dad is a guitar player and a singer, and he used to be in many bands back in the day, and he has always emphasised the importance of bass. He always said that, to write a song you only really need the guitar and the bass, and once you have that done the drummer and the keyboard player just come along, and play to what you and the bassist have written. And I think there is a lot of truth in that.

"Bassists are not important."
Okay so I told you why the bass guitar is important, so why can we always remember who played the guitar or the drums in a band, but never the bass? Surely you would think that makes them unimportant as band members. Well, no. They are (usually) the quiet ones, the ones standing in the background, near the drums. Not the charismatic ones at the front, grabbing the audience by the balls. But in every band, every band member has a certain role. And the role of the guitarist and the singer is to be at the front, near the audience, in the centre of all attention. Then at the back you have the drummer and the bassist. But you cannot miss the drummer, as he does take up most of the stage. You just can't ignore him. The bassist however, stands at the back. And that's their role. That is what you sign up for when you decide to become a bassist. You will be overlooked and in the background most of the time. If you want all the attention the guitarist and singer get, do not become a bassist. Every (or just about) band NEEDS a member that is standing back not wanting a lot of attention, because if all 4 of them tried to get as much of it as possible, the band would soon fall apart. You would not know where to look if all of them started running about the stage going "LOOK AT ME!!". The bassist is the responsible one, the diplomatic one, the fixed point you can always rely on. He's not the crazy one because he's not meant to be. The role of the bassist is to be the in the background. It is not a very rewarding job, but it's crucial.

A great example is The Who. The bassist John Entwistle was the quiet one. While Keith and Pete were going absolutely crazy, John was standing there, with only his fingers going crazy. He was the foundation, the fixed point on the stage, the one that stopped them from becoming too overwhelming, too much to take by others. And that's what bassists do. And that's what makes them important in a rock band. They are the ones who don't get much credit for being the foundation of the band and taking the music up to the next level.

The bassist is the one that gets no love, no attention. But they are absolutely vital. They are the unsung heroes of rock music.

Can You See The Real Me?

2010-06-04T21:36:00.004+01:00

Sitting in my dark room, listening to The Who, absolutely boiling. Bad times...

And the window is open too, I don't understand. I think it's the laptop that makes the temperature go up.. or maybe that picture of Dave Grohl right above my head..? He is what Jesus is to Christians, or Tyra Banks to teenage girls. Love the man.

Aaaaaaaand, I'm going to see Taylor The Hawk Hawkins next Wednesday! The man will be performing with his band in Glasgow and me and a few friends are going to see them! And I will be the only person out of the lot who has school the next day...

That's right, first day of 6th year. God, I feel old now... I should though, since as of Thursday I will be the oldest pupil of the school. 18 in four months people! Scary scary scary... I will probably do something at a pub or that, and all the people that have been nice to me and not ignoring me shall be invited. And I've decided the first drink will be on me! Now I bet everyone will wanna be friends with the Big O. And since everyone right now is trying to get their driving licence done.. I shall get a scooter! I was going to buy one but unfortunately I wasn't quick enough and I never got a reply, and will need to look for one again. Scooters are much cooler than cars anyway. I will call it Sasha and ride it to school everyday! There is also the problem of the helmet messing up my hairdos but to be honest, I don't care. It's just hair, it doesn't need to be perfect everyday, and besides I will have more important things to worry about, like you know... dying?

On a different note, my last higher exam was today. Art and Design. I enjoyed it for most of the time apart from the last couple of months. Too much stress, too annoying. That's why I am dropping it the first chance I get in 6th year, which will be after I get my results. I'm quite worried, because I don't feel I did as well as I could have. But the again, maybe I have and will get all As...There's no point worrying about it now. I really hope I did well though, because I have had enough of working hard and next year is going to be more relaxed, hopefully. We'll see about that... So far I haven't even started yet and Mr Glacken already has jobs for me haha. He also started to begin every sentence addressed to me with "As deputy head girl...". It's a joke. But I just can't say no to Pat!

Fun story, I went to asdas with my mum to buy maple syrup and ended up getting new pj's and I'm really not complaining coz they are quite comfy. And pink, because I'm such a girly girl! We still got the maple syrup, which I had for tea with pancakes and whipped cream and fruit. 'Cause that's how we roll in this house!

I want to say something I have said like 100 times today: I gave blood yesterday!!! I was so proud of myself. I went with David and we were both really brave and gave a pint of blood! And as I apparently have a really rare blood type, I felt extra good about doing it! Yep, my blood is actually silver. But yeh, I feel like I could save some one's life and that's actually a really nice feeling! Unless of course they send me a letter back saying that my blood is no good coz I have a horrible disease and I'm probably going to die in a couple of months. In which case I expect a card from all of you!...

Just coz.

It's good to stay positive eh?

Man, The Who are so good!

Also, as I've said before, I shall take a picture in school everyday for the next year, and put it up here for everyone who has left, to show them what they are missing! Which won't be much. And they will most likely not even see them as they will be getting drunk every night. Which is cool too.

All the people that are leaving will be much missed, especially Lydiaa and Heather! And maybe a couple of 6th years, but they are smelly in general... especially YOU!

Right, there is some stuff I could talk about here, things I'm confuzzled about, a lot of questions, no-one can really answer. But I don't think I wanna talk about that. I have the support of a certain friend and it's enough for me, and as much as I'd like to talk about it, this isn't the place or the time. Sorry, I'm sure you're all very interested...

Moving on, my grandad just phoned and heard about me giving blood and said he's very proud of me and loves me. And it made me feel good. Also, my godmother, who is awesome, is coming over to Scotland on the 1st of July! Wooo :D Of course that means my parents will probably make me go places I don't really wanna go. Oh well!

And finally... every time someone picks higher or advanced higher art and design a fairy dies. Just keep that in mind...

Peace!

I'm Alone And I'm An Easy Target

2010-05-30T13:53:00.002+01:00

I've had enough. I'm not gonna say what is it, 'cause I don't feel like it, but I'm just fed up with stuff. And it's all my fault as well 'cause I can't control myself and my feelings. I'm just fed up and tired of not being good enough, you know? That's all I really wanna say to be honest. I don't even know what's going on with me exactly right now, so I can't really type it up.
lol

On a brighter note, only two exams to go. And I think so far I've done quite well, I'll find out in August! The two exams left are Philosophy and Art. And that is good. I can do them well. In my prelim I got the highest mark in philosophy, out of all my subjects. 84%. I was happy. Let's just hope I do that well on Tuesday! It would be good to start revising.. about now... hmmm...

Foo Fighters are one of the best bands ever by the way. Just thought I'd say that, to emphasise my love for that band, esspecially Davy Grolton. He is the man. Foos are amazing and always make me feel better. Luv em kiss kiss xxxxxoxoxoxox

My old-new bass has got new strings. But the new pick-up isnt working, I'll have to reconnect the wires and stuff, musta done it wrong... I'll fix it. It feels good though, the bass that is, I enjoy using it. It's heavier than my other ones though, but I'm a big girl now. I think anyway.

Well this is all I had to say really, not very interesting, I know. And I don't rant or anything. To be honest I could talk about a lot but I choose not to. It's for the best really.

Head Is On, I Want Out
I'm Alone And I'm An Easy Target

Tonight I'm Tangled In My Blanket Of Clouds, Dreaming Aloud

2010-05-20T20:02:00.003+01:00

Hello my fellow citizens.

The blog is so boring that I decided to use different colours for each paragraph today.

I'm in a Foos mood, hence the lyrics in the title. Good song. Makes me cry, but that's nothing that special, recently everything has been making me cry. I don't really know how, but I've not really been myself. Terrible mood swings, really emotional... and no, I'm not pregnant. I'm just ... wait, I really don't know what's up with me. I must have hit puberty or something. I'm getting old!

But something good just happened to cheer me up a little. I have trained my mum. She knows that I hate it when she comes in, when she wants something from me (yeh antisocial, but I don't care..), so now whenever she's in need she phones me! That makes me happy, I hate being disturbed! Especially by my parents, they always have such bad timing, *insert an example here*.

The first time she called, I got really excited. WOO PHONE CALL! But I soon realized. No-one phones me haha. Same with texts, I get excited when I get a text only to find out it was something Chris said on Twitter. Never even addressed to me! It's so disappointing every time...

Back to how I am... I have a new tooth growing, my second wisdom tooth, and as happy as I was when I found out, it's really rather fucking sore and annoying. Right at the start of my exams as well, perfect timing Larry!!!

Ahh exams... My second one tomorrow, higher maths. I think I'm quite ready for it, unless the questions are like the ones in the prelims... *sad face*. But I think I'm ready, which is more than I can say about my other exams. I have not revised physics nearly at all, during the whole year, and I'm not proud of it. It's the subject I enjoy the most, yet, I'm being an arrogant bitch about it. And I don't do any work. All because I think I can do it. And well, I got As in my prelims, without revising at all, so that's good, but I'm not proud of it, because I know I could have done much, much better, and get like 90%. But I was too lazy, and with my other highers I kind of ignored Physics. The exam is next week and I still have other exams to do, so I'm kinda shitting it. The chances are I will still get an A, but it's not the best I can do. Well, it's the best grade, but percentage wise. And those who know me will know that I always want to be better, better than I am, better than other people (not in a bad way, it just motivates me to work hard), so getting like 76% in physics where I should be getting 90+% makes me kinda sad, and I feel disappointed in myself. The fact is, I'm a lazy bitch. Oh well, I'm working on it...

Anything else? Ah yeh, I had a wee rant about the horrible pink colour of the past papers. That shade of pink is insulting, and I am very glad I won't have to look at it again, unless I don't get an A tomorrow.. in which case.. AAAAHHHH

Anyway, there really is nothing to talk about these days... I'm terribly sorry.

I blame Larry!!! *shakes fist*

Smell ya later, loser face.

I Gave You Everything But It's Never Enough

2010-05-12T19:10:00.008+01:00

Yup, I still use lyrics as titles. I think it's usually a song that I'm just listening to, or a song that's in my head, or a song that has some meaning to me and reflects my feelings at the time. It's probably because I always start writing this with the title, before I actually decide what I'm gonna write about. Silly, I know.

First of all I'm going to share with you some great news. Yesterday I got the position of deputy head girl. I wasn't very happy at first because I really, really wanted head girl, but now I'm very happy with what I got and I've decided I'm going to be the best deputy ever. Jolly good.

I think the reason I wanted head girl is because I feel unimportant. In general, I get ignored a lot and no one really cares. I thought if I was head girl people would actually care for a change. It would have really helped my self-esteem and stuff. But the truth is it's my fault that even though I'm nice to everyone, people either ignore me or just don't like me for some reason. So I'm gonna try to change that. Don't know how, but I'll try.

Moving on...English exam. I had it last Wednesday and to be honest I think it went quite alright. Mind you, I'll be happy with a C, but I secretly really want a B or even an A, which I won't get, but probably could have if I started revising much much earlier. But a C will be fine, really. A lot of people didn't think I would survive higher English. And I did. And it wasn't even that hard, so I'm really pleased with myself. Go me!

The 6th years are gone. Most of them I'm never going to see again, or just see like once or twice. It's a weird thought because I really liked them all, even the ones I never spoke to that much. There were certain ones that, as it recently turned out, never actually liked me, for no reason at all. And that hurt when I found out, because I've been nice to all of them. But oh well, I've realized they're bitches and not worth it. Point is, I will miss 6th years. They were nice, mostly.

I had sausages for breakfast and I usually have 2 or 3 but today I had 4 and I felt like a big person.

I starting to find it hard to write something interesting here (you must have noticed...), because I don't really rant, and if I do, not publicly. I never have. But I really don't want my blog to be just about what I did over the last few days, because I am aware that no-one actually cares. I'd even put myself to sleep if I did that. Snore. But because I don't have much to write about, I have to include recent events in my blog. Sorry. If you have any requests, anything I could talk about, do share. Here's a link to my friend's blog (Cailean's), he rants a lot, might be more interesting than mine..

Becca Reader. I've decided to mention her 'cause she made facebook this morning a wee, tiny bit less boring, as she was actually on and commented on my status like twice! She wanted me to say she's beautiful. She's beautiful. In her own way... lolz
I just thought of something to rant about! I hate all those people who take photos of things close up, put it on facebook and call the album "photography x". Seriously, not everything close up is "artistic". Well done, you can use a camera, it doesn't mean that what you photograph is actually "good". All those photos you take of things close up, with a blurry background, mean just exactly that: you can use a camera. Well done. Idiots. This is an example of a photo, that is actually good, not just lame:I'm not saying all photos that are a close up of something, with a blurry background and stuff are bad. But if you're walking around your room and take pictures of EVERY SINGLE thing you see close up from like 5 different angles, and then put them all up on facebook. "photography x" my ass. Get a life and stop wasting server space.

:)

Right, I think that's all from me today. I shall go and revise maths now.
Love you all.
Me.

And She'll Shine Once She's Crossed The Line 'Cause All Tied To A Chair

2010-05-10T19:49:00.007+01:00

Hung parliament? You know what that means... No? Me neither.

And to be honest I don't really care. Whoever is in power will be another hungry for money twat who doesn't actually care about any one's ass but his own. Bunch of assholes. Although some of them are worse than the others. Which makes it interesting to see who wins. I don't really care who it is to be honest, as long as its not the Tories, because those bastards have no idea how to run the country. At all. And if they get to power I will try my hardest to move the fuck outta here. Hopefully that won't have to happen 'cause right now I like it here...
Okay that's enough about politics. Hopefully I'll never have to talk about it again.

Study leave has officially started. That means no school. It also means.. exams. Oh how I've missed those, not. Starting with English, it's going to be the worst 27 days of my life so far. It makes me want to cry. And on top of this I have other things on my mind, which, for now, I'm trying to forget about.

I found out some interesting things the other day. Apparently lots of people hate me. For no real reason at all. Just because a certain person bitched to them about me telling them how horrible a person I am. Well it really hurt me if I have to be honest, because I've always tried to be nice to everyone, and I thought me and that said someone were still friends, as it turned out I was far from the truth. They hate me. And that combined with everything else gives me a good reason to hate them back. And guess what? I do. If people knew things that person has done and said over the years, they wouldn't hate me as much and would certainly look at that person differently. But then again, maybe those people don't actually hate me. I don't know. If anyone wants to know my side of the story just ask. To be honest it's not that good a story, but makes the person look like a twat. Sigh.

All that has caused me to completely lose all trust in people. I seriously don't trust anyone right now, after all I can't even trust myself to do the right thing most of the time, so what hope do others have? It just kinda made me hate everyone as well. Not as individuals, but in general. People suck, they do. Sorry.

I feel bad about myself a lot. Even because of small things, I feel useless. And I hate myself. But I don't talk about it a lot. I sometimes do, but not a lot. I let my emotions bottle up inside me until it gets to the point where I can take no more. It gets to the point where I cry over anything. A song, a memory. It just somehow gets to me. Even thinking about it makes my eyes watery right now. I don't even know why. It's just built up inside me so much I can't hold it in anymore. But I can't let it out, I wouldn't know how to. So I end up listening to a song, and I cry. My dad comes in and doesn't close the door behind him, and I get really pissed off. And I don't even know what to do to fix it. Maybe it's just hormones. Maybe I just need someone to hug me and tell me to shut up and stop thinking about all this stuff, someone who'll make me forget everything.

But at the same time, I don't want anyone. I don't trust anyone right now. And I don't want to be one of those people who need to rely on others to get through their stuff. I think I've become to dependent. I don't need someone to hug me and make me forget everything else, do I? I'm scared of becoming too dependant, once that person comes along. What if they leave and I get hurt? I'm too scared to trust anyone. I can never know what's really going on in their minds. I CAN'T trust anyone... No matter how much I want to.

Moving on...

Music. I cannot emphasise enough how much I love it and how much it means to me. And how shit it's gone in the past few years. Seriously. It's no longer about writing what you like. It's about writing what others will like. And buy. The music industry is the biggest bullshit machine ever. I've just been listening to the Kings Of Leon all day. They have some of the happiest, silliest, best songs. But then you look at the last album. People will say that they "evolved", moved in a different direction. But the truth is they were forced to do it. I mean seriously? Your sex is on fire? What happened to the awesome lyrics from the first albums? The silly songs inspired by, I dunno, a blanket lying on a chair or whatever. I'm one of those people who care about the lyrics, and Kings Of Leon have written some of the best ones in my opinion. But then along comes Only By The Night. Sex, Dancing, Sex. Blah blah blah. Not all of them, but still. The songs are missing something, something I respect them and their first albums for. I can't put my finger on it though. The songs don't have the oomph, they don't make you jizz. Songs like Charmer for example are amazing. "She's such a charmer, oh no... AAAAAAHH!!!" I mean, who on earth makes a noise like that?! It's amazing! Not "You're sex is on fire"
*snore*.

Maybe it's just me though. I'm a huge music critic. And a whiny bitch.
Apart from all day, nothing interesting is really happening. I keep rediscovering my passion for music (playing it), so I find myself playing bass a lot these days. It's what makes me happy and it's what I want to do for a living. If only...

Smell ya later

Blue Walls

2010-05-09T19:10:00.006+01:00

She's alone, you knew the whole time
She's on her own and she knows exactly why
Because what goes around comes around
She's alone and she knows why

Red in the eyes, she looks down
Blue patterns on the wall, she follows
She's lost in the sky, in the mind she screams
Higher and higher up she goes, she's not coming down
Because what goes around comes around and she knows exactly why
She knows and she cries
The patterns on the wall

You know
It kinda hurts
She knows
She's hurt and used
You want
You want to help
But it's to late
Might as well leave, 'cause she's given herself away

And you wish
You wish
You wish you could..

And she knows why, she knows why it hurts
She cries and she prays
What goes around comes around
And she hopes she could heal
And she cries to the blue wall knowing it all

Just an ordinary soul, girl
You're standing still but moving away
You have your hands on the wheel
Driving yourself crazy again

And you wish you could..

You're alone, silly girl, and you know exactly why
Cause what goes around comes around
And you don't bother coming back
No-one wants you here
What goes around comes around, girl
And you know why
And you still wish you could kiss
Kiss the sky

i love you

2010-05-04T23:00:00.001+01:00

i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you

Nothing Else Matters

2010-05-03T18:11:00.004+01:00

Why do I keep feeling like this? Unhappy with who I am. It's not like people hate me or anything. I have lots of friends and no one actually hates me. I get on with pretty much everybody. Yet even in the busiest of places, surrounded by people I like, people who like me, I feel all alone. And I don't even know why.

I feel like I can't connect with anyone. It's like I'm on a completely different wavelength. Sometimes even dimention. And sometimes I don't really mind, I just sit there staring into space, thinking about something, in my happy place. But sometimes I wish I had someone I could talk to, who knows exactly what I mean, and feels exactly like me. Too often I find myself bored, worried, sad, where everyone is happy, talking about something I couldn't care less about. So out of place. Like a fork in the world of soup. Like a flute in a rock band. Like a pack of biscuits in the underwear department. Like sunshine in Scotland. Like a black person at a KKK meeting... Okay, maybe not THAT out of place...

The problem is, I don't even know exactly what I expect? Or what I even want. I don't want to change because I don't want people to like me for who I'm not. But not many people seem to like who I am. Well they do, but from a distance. Maybe it's to do with confidence (lack of it caused by my insecurities), maybe I'm just boring, maybe even too nice, or not nice enough? Maybe I keep myself to myself too much and sit there staring into nothing thinking about stuff too often? Maybe I'm the problem 'cause I envy them too much, wishing my life was like theirs, which causes me to be unable to get close to anyone. I don't know, I just feel like I'm doing something wrong. And that causes me to be uphappy. Maybe I'm just whiny?

Oooh carrot juice. I love carrots.

After that swift change of tone, time to talk about what I've been up to. Well, I went out on saturday night with some friends. It was fun, better than what others were doing. lol. We just chillaxed, totally high, talked about music and things.Even though "something" was missing, it was really great. Hopefully after the exams we could do something similar again.

Exams. Why did I mention exams? Aaaaaaah

So that's all really. That's how my weekend was.

Moving on...

I've always enjoyed playing and listening to music, but only today I realized just how much. I could spend days and days doing nothing but listening to music. It's what makes me happy and makes me forget everything else that bothers me. It makes me happy and I want to spend the rest of my life making music. I realized that when I looked at a picture of me with my bass. I look so at peace and so happy. Because that's how music makes me feel. Nothing else matters.

C c c c c cocaaaaiiine!

2010-04-27T22:00:00.006+01:00

Hello handsome!

I'm in a bit of a good mood. At the same time I'm not. Strange innit?
I just read Andrew's blog and it inspired me to write this. Not that I have anything to say. Ever. But hey, I have more to say than all of you people with blogs who don't even update them (yes you know who you are)!
Unfortunately I don't really have anything to rant about, shame really. You might not think that but when I do go on a rant it's actually funny (apparently). I rarely do though. I'm not really sure why not, I guess I don't really want to offend or annoy anyone, and can't be bothered arguing. So you'll just have to take my word for it, I do go on a rant every now and again. And what makes my rants funny is that I speak really fast and my voice just goes higher and higher, so whenever I rant on this, just read it to yourself like that. Let's try it out:

*insert a random rant here*

Did it work? Of course it did!

And just to make this clear, I'm not actually into cocaine and such. As some of you might have noticed, most of the titles of my blogs are lyrics. And so is this one. If you don't know what song it's from, go listen to the whole QOTSA discography. Do it now do it now!

By the way, I was informed today that a certain member of St Andrew's staff has found my lovely blog. This means I will try to keep it neat. So no swearing! Understood? Excellent.

Onto my next point. As some of you might know, as i broadcasted it all over facebook, I got 21-23 out of 25 for my English essays that I did last Saturday. Well done me! ..oh and I've never done English before. Double well done me!!... OH and it's not my first language. Triple well done me!!!

Enough of this gay banter.

My dad brought me a new bass from Poland. Well it's not new, but it's still an extra bass. He is called Mufasa, and we welcomed him into the family with tea and biscuits. Now there is three of them, and only one of me! My babies! Isaac, Federico and Mufasa. Now Isaac made me get a 1 in Standard Grade. Federico will hopefully get me an A, which means Mufasa will have to work hard in 6th year, for that bloody A that I'm never going to get!

Speaking of 6th year. I'M GONNA MISS YOU GUYS!!! Seriously, I love 6th years, I can always have a laugh with them and I've always felt closer to them than my year (I love them too though). I really can't imagine what it'll be like once you leave! I might even shed a tear. You think I'm joking? It may come as a shock to you but I am extremely emotional haha... I really hope I'll stay in touch with you guy once you go away. And you better invite me to parties *wink*. School will really not be the same without them! They all have been great to me, and I will seriously miss them. Especially my closest friends and fellow Thunderbuns! Love you 6th years and good luck in the big bad world!!! xxx

6th years leaving means that.. from June onwards I shall be the oldest person in the whole school! Well, the oldest pupil haha. That's some responsibility there! I hope I get a badge, and a free chocolate bar...

Also, I don't believe in card giving. What's the point in spending money on a wee shitty piece of paper that I'm gonna throw away? Exactly. The money you spend on cards you could spend on chocolate. So for my birthday, I expect chocolate! And beer...
But really, cards are only good when they are handmade, that shows you really care about someone! Rather than just saying "To *name*...From *name*", if you catch my drift. And those more personal cards are the ones that really matter and they are the ones you should keep. I keep them. Or did, now they're most likely in the bin haha

On that random note, I shall say goodnight now!

Hugs and Kisses

So High

2010-04-26T00:05:00.004+01:00

I'm the princess of my own world,
The reflection in the sun,
I'm up and down on the swing,
The playground they call life.

I'm living it, so high, so numb
I'm trying so hard to come down
I'm living it here, with the clouds
You'll never see me around

I dream reality, I'm awake, too true
Oh the music it's so beautiful
The spinning, the falling, the clouds and the stars
The music never lies

I'm loving it, too high, so true
I'm not coming back now
The clouds they make me so pretty
You'll never see me

I'm never coming back down.

Big Black Boots, Long Brown Hair, She's So Sweet With Her Get Back Stare...

2010-04-24T19:46:00.005+01:00

I have grapes.
and

OH MY DAFFODILS!

Yes, that's right, I am B.A.C.K.
After 2 weeks of holidays and a dreadful week of school I'm back. I've been literally too tired to write anything, and now with the exams coming up I doubt I'll be writing much. I'm sorry.

Well, the holidays were much fun, didn't really do much to be honest. Was going to revise but my painting took way too long to complete. And I'm just plain lazy. But now I've completed higher art and it feels sooo good. Of course I still have the written exam to sit but that's easy peasy lemon squeezy, as some say.
So after 2 weeks of sleeping till late afternoon, being out a couple of times, a few glasses...emm...bottles of various substances I probably shouldn't have tried numbing myself with, one band practice to prepare us for the final of BOTB and little revision, I was once again back to school full time. Sat a prelim and a NAB and then another prelim! I don't think either of the prelims went too well, but I got 100% on the NAB which is always a good thing. Well done me!

The first week back was also a very stressful week for different reasons. Fife Rock Band Competition on Thursday. Because we won the school BOTB, we got to play at the final in the lovely Rothes Halls, with 7 other bands, each from a different school. We pretty much had to write a song, and had nothing, so Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday after school were dedicated to the band. And with the prelims and NABs and 3 hours of Philosophy on Wednesday it was not the easiest task. Other band members had to do their Chemistry/Physics reports too.

But we did it. We wrote a song.

Not only that. WE WON!!!
That's right, the Thunderbuns won the BOTB, a nice trophy to give to school and 50 pounds between us. And of course glory!Thanks to those few people who came to support us. And I'd like to thank my mum for giving birth to me, and my father for the healthy sperm. And of course Jesus.

It was seriously one of the happiest and proudest moments of my life. Today Fife, tomorrow Japan! And then the world by next Thursday.

AND some guy asked for my number :O :O :O
I said no
Then he was kicked out for underage drinking. He was probably drinking his tears away...

Moving on.
I also had a haircut last week. I don't like it because the fringe is too short, but it's growing on me!!!
GET IT??!?!?! Ahhh I'm hilarious.

And I can proudly say, I've done lots of revision today. Now that I have a proper study timetable, revising comes easier. And in a matter of weeks Highers are gonna be O.V.E.R. so that's extra motivation. I wrote two essays today. And I like to think they are good, but I'll let MC Hammer judge that. (My English teacher.. not.. yeh...)

Want some grapes? Good!

So, in conclusion, the holidays were boring and not productive. Got a haircut. Got drunk and fell. An embarrassing photo was taken. Went back to school. Sat 2 prelims. Passed a NAB. WON BOTB! Made a proper study timetable. Revised.

To be honest I wonder why don't I just write that...hmm

Thanks for reading. You can have some grapes now.

It Just Doesn't Feel Like A Night Out With No One Sizing You Up...

2010-04-10T22:30:00.004+01:00

Excellent. I have a bowl of popcorn (salt! always salt!), a cat on my lap, my laptop in front of me and Panic! At The Disco playing. Is there a better way of spending a Saturday night?

The answer is simply.. yes. I had plans, for the whole weekend, but they just seem to have vanished. To be fair I can think of worse things to be doing, after all I am quite comfy, with food and drink. What else could I ask for?

Well, for starters my final outcome for art could STOP STARING AT ME!!!!

And now i feel sick after all the popcorn. Woo

Point is though, I could be doing other things right now, but this is fine. I'm fine like this. I still have all the time in the world to do other things. Hopefully. The Sun might suddenly explode and turn into a black hole. Jokes! The Sun is too small for that, it's all good! Tee hee.

Today was a lovely day, was it not? Sunny and warm, warm and sunny. Either way it was nice and I decided to go on a walk to the Bevy, which was also nice. Nice walk, nice day, nice weather. Nice nice nice. It made me remember it's actually spring! The only negative thing about the nice weather is that I will no longer have an excuse to cover up my body haha. Oh dear...

On that note...
My lack of confidence and low self-esteem are just annoying. I cannot take compliments, I don't believe in myself and I can't look at myself in the mirror. And on top of it all I keep whining about it all the time! I'm sorry. However this is my blog, and if you don't like me complaining then, by all means, leave. I don't mind, it still makes me feel nice, putting things out there. It's like talking to a friend.. who never talks back.. but still works kinda. Haha.
I do realize there's things I can do well, but I'm not "the best" at anything. At all. And I really wanna be. I want to have that one thing I can be proud of. I am quite competitive (believe it or not) and I always want to beat someone, be the best. But unfortunately I get discouraged very easily, and I settle for being "alright". I need someone to literally stand there beside me and tell me to revise, to practice or whatever. I don't have anyone like that, and I am the Queen of Lazyland, which means I'll never be as good as I want to be. I suck. Haha.

Wow, rant over. Moving on now.

The plane crash. If you haven't heard you must be locked up in a cage (of ignorance). It's literally been everywhere, even on the news in the self-centered UK, which was quite surprising to be honest. No offense or anything. What happened was that a plane with the president of Poland and his wife and like, over 80 other, very important people of the Polish government, crashed and everyone died. It's really a shame, and as much as I've always hated the political scene, I was shocked. They might have been cheating and lying bastards, but they were people, with families and friends after all, so I can't help but feel bad.

Oh, and if you haven't figured out yet, I'm Polish btw...

Bad things keep happening in the world, everyone knows that, but most people usually don't feel too close to the tragedies; it's not happening to them, therefore it doesn't matter. But if you think about it, I can't even imagine what the families of those people are going through, but if you try, you kind of feel closer to them. What if it was you, what if it was someone in your family that was killed. Losing someone is one of the worst things that can happen, if not the worse. It's heartbreaking to see people suffer the lose of a close one. I remember I've mentioned it before here, how you don't appreciate things until they are gone. You also don't appreciate people until they are gone. Then you realize a big chunk of your life is missing. I'm obviously not talking about the plane crash here anymore (of course that's how the families of the people feel), but in general, I think people should look around at the people close to them and see how important they are. It's people around you that shape you into the person you are. Losing someone is like losing a part of you. You don't think about it everyday, but you don't appreciate others as much as you should. Any of them could be gone, just like that, forever. And it's tragedies like this one that bring us closer together and remind us to appreciate others while we still have the chance.

I'm sitting here, with popcorn, my cat and my laptop in front of me, listening to music, thinking of the people I could lose, people I don't appreciate enough, wishing the day I lose somebody close didn't have to come. Sadly, it is just a matter of time.

I'm A Big Girl Now

2010-04-09T01:40:00.002+01:00

I am a big girl. I just nearly said something to someone. Nearly being the crucial word. I typed out what I was going to say, and then I realized I knew exactly what was going to happen if I sent it. And I realized I didn't want that to happen. Therefore I never said it. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I usually say what I think and try not to think about the consequences because after all what I say is how I feel, and and I can't change that, and what happens, happens. And I've done that before, and the results weren't too good. And now, I'm not going to make the same mistakes of fucking things up, I'd just get upset. I'm a big girl and I have learnt. The message is saved, but will never be sent. And that makes me somewhat proud.

Of course there was a small chance of a KINDA positive outcome. But it was highly unlikely and not worth it.

And also, tomorrow I am going to spend the whole day revising and finishing my art stuff. Seriously, Facebook and MSN can fuck off.

Yeh, it probably won't happen but still.

You might think this was pointless, not very entertaining, boring, whatever. This is my blog and I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want and talk about what I want. And I don't need to explain myself to anyone.

Next post will be about my lack of confidence and low self-esteem, how I want to move out and how I'm scared of the big bad world. It's okay if you decide not to read it.

Night

Ayyyeee

2010-04-07T22:00:00.006+01:00

Oh hello. Didn't see you there..

What's new?
I'm kinda getting back into football.
I have a cat (temporarily)
I realized my art stuff is taking longer than it should.
My Internet is back !!

What's old?
Well, the laws of Physics still apply and gravity is being a bitch.

Too be honest it's not been a very interesting day. I had yesterday's tea for breakfast, breakfast for tea and today's tea for supper. Why? Because I can.

Football huh? Yeh, I watched the Man U game. They didn't go through which is a shame coz they played well. And how come I'm getting BACK into it? Well, believe it or not my dear puppies, back in the day my whole family would sit in front of the telly, watch football and yell occasionally. Some quality family time. But then I moved and watching football without my uncle and grandad yelling and wanting to punch the TV, sadly isn't really quite the same.

I have a cat. My mum's friend went away somewhere for a week or so and dumped the beast here. It's so scared it only just came out from behind the sofa. Now it's walking round my room sniffing everything. Meow.

My painting is being really annoying, and it's not only taking ages but it's also not looking as well as it should. And yeh I know it's still not bad, but I could do better. Maybe.

I also realized I have done no revision for other subjects apart from one poem for English. But I'm not too worried as I just really want to get Art out the way which is what I'm doing. I even went to school yesterday (yes, during holidays) to do art from half 10 till 3.
Still, the whole revision situation is very stressful. And to prove that, this is a picture of me stressing out:
Next thing. My Internet is back and you have no idea what a relief that actually is. It's really scary how I can hardly survive without technology now. I never used to be like that, honest.

And finally, the laws of physics haven't changed, no new discoveries, and apart from the string theory nothing new is happening really.
And I tripped and fell today, ergo gravity is a bitch. Personally I think it's a jealousy thing, since it's the weakest force. Oh dear..

On that slightly geeky (but not really) note I shall end today's post and go watch The Wonders Of The Solar System on the iPlayer or something. Now THAT was geeky.

Adios, honey bee.

Ow, My Back...

2010-04-05T13:23:00.007+01:00

Goooooooooooood eeeevening goodeveninggoodeveninggoodevening...

Yes I know it's not even 2... But.. yeah...

So...

Hello mortals.
My back is really sore. Part of the reason is that the Internet only works in one place in my house and it's very uncomfortable for me. But the main reason is the amount of school work I have done yesterday and this morning.

Because I have no access to the net after 10, and I keep getting disconnected, yesterday I decided I couldn't be arsed with it anymore and started doing my final outcome for art and did one development piece (see below). Because of all the painting my back is really sore and I could really use a back massage *hint hint*... No? Okay.

I also spent the whole of yesterday and this morning listening to The Beatles, The Who and Led Zeppelin. The first band will officially be my Art Soundtrack. They make all the stressful and now painful work so much happier. Happy times.

Now I'm going to do some English, I'm wondering which band I will listen to this time.. I will need a band for Maths and Philosophy too. For Physics I have the Queens Of The Stone Age! haha

I was recently introduced to The Big Bang Theory. Well, not introduced, I knew about it already, just never really watched it. But now I love it, and once my Internet is working properly, I will watch it in 72 minute long sessions. Yipee.

I'm actually quite pleased the net is being a twat, I really got loads done!
Exams here I come!...
Not really... Give me a gun *shoots self*

Anyway, Easter huh?
I had a nice breakfast with my parents, whilst watching the F1. Epic times! And then had dinner whilst listening to Jimi Hendrix. I love my parents. Sometimes..
I hope everyone had lots of cream eggs and such, I had about.. 1? Yeh, not a big fan I guess. But I had a chocolate bunny, which is now kind of... yeah.. body..less? I still kept the ribbon and bell on. You're welcome bunny.

Well, this is all, from me, chocolate bunny and Alan Davies...

And I hope everyone had a good first Sunday after the full moon following the equinox. Or as you mortals call it, Easter.

Good night. Morning. Day. Whatever

*people clapping*

I Still Need You But I Don't Want You Now

2010-04-03T10:56:00.004+01:00

Morning all. I am actually writing this post on notepad as Internet is being really gay and it isn't working. I've been "borrowing" it from my lovely neighbours who forgot to secure it with a password. Score.

It is holidays at last, and even though it means WORK WORK WORK I can still sleep till like 12 everyday which makes up for the amount of work I have to do once I do get up. Aaah sleep *daydreams*

To be completely honest I haven't really done any revision yet, but it's mainly because the Internet isn't working and since I'm an addict I tried to make the most of it when it WAS working.. and got nothing done. Actually that's a lie. Last night when once again the Internet wasn't working I decided to do something about the 100s of pictures and songs that I had on my desktop and never listened to or looked at. Which means now my desktop is nice and tidy, but it's not over yet, as I'm going to do that to every single folder I have. It'll be worth it. And yes, that is how I spent my Friday night - organizing stuff on my computer and listening to the Foo Fighters.

Official revision starts tomorrow (I've decided) as today I'm going out and when I come back I will not have Internet once again, and will spend the night putting 100s of songs into the right folders. Yay.

It's Good Friday. Apparently it's the day Jesus died or something. Well, wasn't that good for him then?

I had to go to church this morning. First time in a year, since Easter is the only time I go. Against my will of course. The whole time I was in the church all the wee children were crying. Why on earth do people bring small kids to church? They don't care or understand or want to be there. Them crying made me want to cry. "Why, oh why am I here?!?!?!?*cries*" The whole thing was over in like half an hour though so it wasn't that bad. Still, I didn't enjoy waking up at 7... Which is why I stayed in bed till half 8 (we were supposed to leave at 20 to 9), which obviously resulted in my parents being mad at me. Yey, Easter.

Also, my dad never went to church which caused me to ask my mum on the way there "why is dad not going with us?" and my mum responded with "I dunno", to which I said "So why did I have to go?" and my mum laughed. It wasn't a joke, I wanted to stay home too. After that I was in a huff and said "I'm not even Christian anymore." To which my mum just said "But you have to believe in something" "Well why believe in something based on poor and inconclusive evidence" to which my mum made a noise, something like "eeeeh".

I need a haircut. I'm going to get it next week probably. I also need to see the doctors so they can check my blood and stuff, so my mum can stop worrying and being paranoid. She thinks I have diabetes. Pffft.

I still don't know when I'm going to do those things as I am waiting on my band to decide when we can have band practice. I am really not happy with the fact that we've not had band practice in ages. And I know it's not really their fault, Neil was working and stuff, but we REALLY need to practice. We have to write like 2 or 3 songs and practice the ones we already have. And I just wanna get it done as soon as possible so then I don't have another thing to worry about. Exams are stressful enough.

Last day of school was a lot of fun. Well, apart from the English prelim and all the art... But Physics totally made my day. Me and Roory took a big box and put it over me. Then we took a small box and made holes for eyes. And then I left the classroom in my new outfit and attacked randoms who happened to be walking past, with Mr Patterson and Dr Sinclair standing there watching me being an idiot. It was hilarious though, and I'm sure Dr Sinclair thinks I'm an absolute idiot but you are a child only once. Especially since I'm not going to be a child soon anymore. I'm entering the scary world of adulthood in October and I want to make the most of being a teenager (that includes going to the dentists for free dental care...).

I still haven't really made a study timetable, but I never ever stick to them, and I know what I need to do anyway so it's cool. I'm going to dedicate the first few days to Art, so I can get it out the way. Then I'm going to concentrate on English as it's my first exam, and I need to remember a lot of quotes and such. I'm going to spend a lot of time doing Maths as well, as I NEED an A to get into uni, and so far I've been getting Bees, and the last prelim made me die a little.

As to other stuff, I've been practising bass a lot, because I really want and need to get better as other members of the band are so much better and more talented and I don't wanna be the weakest link. No goodbye.

This post turned out to be longer than I thought, but I know how much you love reading my blah blah blahs.

Also, It was my Truth Day on Thursday, and I never told a single lie (although it was April Fools...). But I didn't lie to anyone, or myself. And the truth is.. it wasn't difficult at all! It wasn't even much different to be honest. I guess I just don't lie haha. Well that's good. Also Thursday was a good day overall...

I watched the episode of Scrubs called My Monster, and ever since I've had The Coral's Dreaming Of You in my head. You'd think it's not a bad thing, but you'd be surprised.

I still love the song, it's Scrubs after all...

Catch ya on the flip side.
Yours
Olgasaur.

Olga's Truth Day?

2010-03-31T23:07:00.006+01:00

Blog!

My, this week has been a nightmare, not only for me, but probably most people. Started off with a lot of revision, then there was the maths prelim that made me die a little, and my confidence went right down. Then there was a number of pointless art essays. Not the best way to spend a Monday night. Tuesday morning was terrible and I had to stay home for the day. I did some work, not too much as I was feeling ill. Good excuse. Wednesday. Got my exam timetable, it's all becoming too real now, too soon. Can't believe it's April (in 40 minutes). Where did my 5th year go? Physics prelim was a disaster. Yeh, I still got an A, but I can do much much better. If only I had time to revise. Tomorrow it's English prelim. After 3 hours of Philosophy I really couldn't revise any more. Too bad. Philosophy was boring, the new teacher has a voice that could put you to sleep. We all want Susan back. I want this week to end. Last day tomorrow. Let's hope for the best.

In Philosophy we talked about morality. "If you only told the truth you'd be a very lonely person."
How true. Imagine if every time something was wrong, and the question "How are you then?" was asked you said "well, not so good to be honest, it's because..". People would simply stop asking. How many of us lie to spare ourselves the long talk and tears. I know I do a lot, and I'm pretty sure a lot of people do. If someone said "Does my ass look big in these jeans?" and instead of saying "No, of course not" you said "Well yes but actually, it's not the jeans' fault" people wouldn't appreciate you telling the truth, right? But lying IS regarded as something bad, so why can't we always tell the truth? Maybe lying isn't bad if it's with good intentions. If it saves you from the tears to say "yeh I'm happy like this" instead of "No, this is not what I want at all.." then surely it's not bad, right? But you kinda need to know where the line is, because the moment you start lying to yourself something is seriously wrong.

Sometimes you must lie to protect yourself, and to protect others. There are so many times everyday where you just want to say what you really think but can't. Because other people will judge, or get hurt. So maybe lying is a good thing then if you're protecting someone. So is it universally accepted that "lying is okay sometimes" ? And should it be? Because surely if you accept that as a rule, people will lie about things they don't particularly have to lie about, and they won't feel bad about it. Of course there isn't really a list of rules you HAVE to follow (unless you're a Christian, in which case you probably should go wake up), but there are certain things that are generally regarded as bad right? Like lying and stealing and killing. But are they always morally wrong? If we try to decide if an action is wrong or right, do we look at the potential consequences, or the intentions?

Yeah, sorry about that. It is Wednesday which means I'm still thinking Philosophy, and what I just said was pretty much unit 4 of Philo for you.

I had a wee idea earlier. How about I go a day without telling a single lie? Tomorrow. And I know it's April Fools day, but I've never really liked it because I could never think of any good pranks and stuff. So how about an Olga's Truth Day? Celebrations!

Love

Olgie

PS: I think this is the answer to all my questions. (Fysics prelim)

If I Had A Dove I'd Call It Dorothy

2010-03-30T18:55:00.006+01:00

So, We're Alone Again I Wish It Were Over We Seem To Never End Only Get Closer To The Point Where I Can Take No More

Scrubs. Awesome Awesomeness.

Moving on...
I'm not really sure where this post is going, but I hardly ever know so I'm just gonna go with the flow.
I was asked to write about shoes... I might just give it a shot. Let me just leave facebook for a bit so I can actually concentrate.

Right, this is coming from someone who's not exactly very glamorous or girly so I might be wrong. Shoes. Girls, or at least sad, middle aged women like in Sex and the City seem to have this sort of obsession with shoes and such. Why? How many shoes do you need, honestly. This is coming from someone who thinks they don't have enough shoes but still. Spending 100s of pounds every week on new shoes is just too far. Honestly, there are better ways of throwing your money away. I should probably name a few here but what's the point. I don't even have much to say about shoes. I've never been obsessed with clothes and accessories and such. I mean, I wouldn't mind having like 20 pairs of shoes, there's nothing better than knowing your outfit matches (okay, there is..), but I have more important things to spend money on and I'm sure most people do too. However if your dad is a millionaire then go right ahead and buy as many shoes as you want, buy yourself a shoe shaped bed and everything. Knock yourself out.

I don't even know why I'm ranting. I guess I just don't have much to say. Which brings me to..

A certain "friend" showed me their blog recently which consisted of many photos and not so many words, which I felt was the way forward. We live in difficult times, where people have such busy lifestyles, they just don't have the time to read essays, especially those pointless ones like this. People prefer visual arts over writing, which gives me a very good reason to throw my keyboard away and replace it with an electronic drawing pad, and express my feelings through the medium of drawing. Quickly and effectively.

However!!! That would mean less time on my blog and more time doing my homework. And for that reason, and that reason alone, I will continue writing long, pointless essays, until I leave this hellhole and get a life.

And for everyone who waited for this fresh post in anticipation (you know who you are), there ya go and I hope you enjoyed it half as much as I did. Or more. You can now go back to your sad lives and once again forget about me. Till my next post of course.

And here's a picture of a Hamster, as I dedicated this post to one.

Success!

2010-03-28T22:05:00.003+01:00

Success. A word I use so rarely. Fail happens much more often. But this time I have a good reason for using the word "success". Now sit down and be quiet.

Over the weekend I managed to do a number of maths past papers as my prelims are tomorrow. I tackled the questions I struggled with before, and now I feel much more confident about the whole thing. And the chances are, I most likely won't get an A, but I'm hoping to get pretty close to it. I'm aiming for 75%+, which I believe I can get if I only manage to stay calm, and don't give up like in the last prelim where I started crying half way through paper 2. I still managed to get 70% somehow. But I struggled with questions I shouldn't have had any problems with, which upset me a lot. And maths is the subject I NEED to get an A in. So good luck me.

I also did some physics revision, but not as much really. I felt quite tired after all the maths. But it's okay, I feel comfortable enough with the stuff. Overall I'm quite proud of the amount of revision I've done over the weekend, and if I keep that going for the next couple of months I can expect pretty good results.

Maybe I just expect too much from myself, but my targets for the exams are AAAAAB... yes, it has been a challenge to far, and it's going to be so much worse until after the exams. And yes, I am doing 6 highers. And yes, I know this is pretty much a slightly less hardcore version of a, let's say, suicide. I've managed to handle it alright so far. Go me.

I used to love Pringles, now, not so much. Why?

Also the other day my mum suggested that I might have a serious illness, since I show the symptoms, but I'm trying not to think about it, it's probably not true anyway. Kinda a scary thought though, isn't it? I can't really imagine me handling it too well. But again, let's not think about that, shall we...

I've been making progress with my bass as well, I've played a lot and my fingers are sore now, but it's totally worth it. I have a kind of confidence thing, I really don't think I'm important as a band member. Chris and Irving said I was important, but I really don't feel that. And I feel I'm the worst at what I do out of the 4 of us. That's why I've really been trying hard to improve, and not just at actually playing but also theory. My piano lessons really help there. I still feel like I suck, and anyone could replace me, but oh well. So far the rest of the band don't seem like they're looking for someone to replace me so I'm safe, but who knows.

Damn, I keep getting distracted. I can't work under these conditions!

Cheers.

...How About That?

2010-03-27T22:49:00.003Z

Memories huh? What's up with that?

I'm going to start on a slightly more philosophical note, just 'cause I can.

The question is, "What am "I"?", and the answer might seem pretty simple and obvious at first - a body, a mind, memories, a soul, moral values and so on. But in reality there is no certainty, for what makes us, us? Past experiences and memories? Am I the same person today as I was yesterday though? Or am I just a bunch of memories, not really existing continuously? Maybe I was just "created" a minute ago, but think I've existed longer because of the things I remember and recognize that might have been "programmed" into my brain or something. I will never be sure of that. But does it really matter? After all, either way, what makes me "me" is the memories, the past, does it really matter if they're real or not? For example, I was sitting in my room, I felt the cold, I heard music, looked round the room. Now i remember that, I remember seeing, hearing, feeling, things, but was it really me who saw, heard and felt everything or someone else, who's memories I have now? I don't mean someone else as in a completely different person, but a different.. mind? in the same body. Not exactly "me" and in the me that's typing this now. But what about when I started writing this, am I a different person now? In what way?

No one can really answer those questions though, not even "me". After all I don't even know why I started writing this, I guess I just started thinking about my past and wondered if that was actually.. me? Because every time I picture myself in the past, I see myself from someone else's point of view, for some strange reason. And I don't know if its just me or if everyone is like that, but I just always picture my past self as other people saw me. It kind of makes me detached from my "past self" in a way. That's probably why I started wondering whether or not I'm still the same person today. Hmm.

Well, enough of that, what I actually wanted to talk about in this post was my memories. Where do I start? Well I suppose the beggining is a good place to start.

I remember my grandparents, and their wee house, in the middle of nowhere, with a massive garden full of trees and bushes. I remember spending my summer holidays there every year. I remember playing with my wee cousin. I remember riding a bike for the first time. I remember my granddad fixing something and me stealing all his nails and sticking them into the ground, for fun. I remember running down the hill with my cousin and I remember picking apples and pears off trees. The best days of my life. I remember having no worries, and my biggest problem being a spider on the wall. I remember leaving and going back to my house. I remember when my gran was taken to the hospital. I remember when I was told she died, because of a nurse's mistake. I remember her funeral, and how I never cried, but felt really strange inside, like never before, after all it was my first time experiencing something like that. I then remember my parents taking care of my granddad, and I remember when he was taken to the hospital. I remember visiting, but I was never allowed to actually see him, later I was told it was because he looked terrible and scary in way, completely pale, just skin and bones, so upset after losing his wife he lost the will to live. I remember sitting on the bed with my mum, talking about unimportant stuff, and I remember hearing the telephone, and the moment i heard it, I knew. I remember his funeral, buried next to his wife.

Then I moved house, and lived with my other grandparents. It was all nice at first, but we did argue a lot. I love my grandparents, and always have, but we often just disagreed on stuff, and ended up fighting a lot. Then, my dad told us he's getting a new job. In Scotland. I remember lying in bed watching TV when my mum came in and sat on the bed and told me that we might be moving to Scotland, for a couple of years. I was excited more than anything. I remember telling everyone at school, they didn't really seem to care to be honest, but I always had problems with getting close to people, and I've always been shy and quiet, and never really had any true, close friends, for more than a few weeks or months. Before I realized I was on the plane to Scotland. Excited, not really knowing what to expect. I remember living in Glenrothes for a bit. August of 2006. My parents found me a school, through a friend. The first time i went there was to talk to some people, they wanted to check my English, which at the time was pretty poor. I remember sitting there with some man (might have been Mr Patterson) and reading something to him from a book. I was told they would put be into second year, so I could have more time to learn English before the Standard Grade exams. I'm so glad that happened, coz I did need that time.

I remember my first day. Mr Glacken took me up to my reggie class, introduced me and told Danielle and Megan to take care of me. They did, everyone was really helpful, and really nice, and they kept asking me questions. I hardly understood what they were saying (still happens today) and just pretty much said "yes" to everything. I remember how difficult it was to find friends, and have someone who wouldn't ignore me (it's still quite hard). I remember my first day was a Friday, and first period was maths. I was in Mr Rhone's class. They soon put me to the second best set and then best set, with Mrs Callaghan, who's still my maths teacher.

Now I feel more at home, I actually have friends, and I'm still very self concious and shy and quiet, but I've started to feel more comfortable, as my English got better. And now I don't even think I'll be ever gong back to Poland. Strange isn't it?

Well, I think I'm going to finish that story here. I know it wasn't very interesting, but I just started remembering my past, and how I got to where I am now, and I personally think the past is very important and it's what makes us "us", and it's what shaped me into the person I am today.

I could write so much more, but I wanna go now and talk to my friend. But before that, I wanna thank that said friend for being there for me for the past 2 and a half years, and talking to me, and helping me become who I am today, and I have never been able to get closer to anyone else. And whatever happens, I really hope I'll always stay this close to them, because they are probably the most important person in my life and I don't think there is anyone I care about more. And I know things haven't always been all nice and pink between us, but I can't imagine a day without talking to them. And I really hope I don't come across as creepy...

Ta
x

Well It Feels Like You're Going Under, When You're Laying Right Here...

2010-03-24T21:13:00.005Z

I'm sure all of you loyal fans will be thrilled to know I'm back with yet another post. Yey.

Before I move onto the serious business, I want to share my last night's dream with you.
I was on my way to my Physics class, when I saw Dr Sinclair and Mr Smith outside arguing about who should take the advanced higher class, as Dr Sinclair felt that they were his class not Mr Smith's. He was really upset about it, nearly crying even. Then Dr Sinclair showed me a film him and Mr Smith made, of an ant that they sent to the moon. Then Mr Smith was standing on the moon, near a small volcano going "this isn't hot at all" and then the volcano exploded and he said "Oh yeh, it is now...". Then back to the classroom, where the ant was lying on the floor. It was big and brown and called Assir or something like that.

Anyway, enough of this gay banter.

Holidays soon!...wait, is that actually a good thing?
I will be spending my free mornings, afternoons and evenings trying to understand things I don't, trying to remember things I can't and trying to finish things I've started. Now calling them "free" isn't entirely correct, is it sir? The only positive change there is the fact that I will no longer have to do my hair and make up every morning (not that I pay attention to how I look anyway...) which allows to me spend more time doing the things I don't necessarily want to, but have to do no matter what. Fucking yey.

Now, the past few days I have been feeling the consequences of irregular sleeping patterns more than ever. My body seems to no longer know when is when, which consequently means my brain no longer knows when, where, who, how, or WHY! Especially the last one. For example, yesterday was supposed to be a lovely day and I was meant to catch up with most of my work. What happened in reality was that after I got home I fell asleep and slept till 9, woke up feeling sick, watched a physics related programme on the mighty iPlayer, made myself do a drawing against my will, and fell back asleep at midnight, which resulted in me losing the will to live this morning when my alarm went off at half past 6. I have not managed to get that will to live back yet, and staying this negative about the whole thing does not help in any way.

The fact that today is Wednesday does not help either. As some of you might know, Wednesday is Philosophy day. Three hours of Philosophy to be exact. Three hours of Utilitarianism (yeah, me neither) to be even more precise. Or simply, three hours of hell. That does not mean I do not enjoy Philosophy in general, because I absolutely love it. Usually. Right now though... well... not really. There is two main problems I have with this unit, the first one being the fact that Utilitarianism is supposed to be a way of judging whats right or wrong, and what we're doing is looking at how it's rubbish and does not work in real life (communism: not entirely a bad idea + people = bad bad bad), which only makes me think.. WHAT'S THE POINT? Honestly, can we move onto something that does actually make sense? The other problem I seem to come across way too often is the fact that I cannot even keep my eyes focused. Reading the same sentence 6 times and still not understanding is a sign. And it's one of those big, red ones that say STOP.

*yawn*

I won at Snakes & Ladders today in English.

I think this is enough ranting for one day. I do apologize for my blogs being so boring and lame, not amazing and inspiring like Andrew's. In all fairness he does not have to go through all the stress. Lucky 6th years...

Goodnight now, I love every single one of you equally apart from the ones that I love more and the ones I don't really like.

Blue!

Mental Note

2010-03-21T20:35:00.002Z

Note to self - I am cool.

'nuff said.

PS: Here's a wee picture of Jell-O.

God's Day

2010-03-21T16:06:00.002Z

It's Sunday, Sabbath, day of rest.

Aye, like everyday really. I'm so not looking forward to school tomorrow, as I am behind in everything so much. Let's see how much catching up I have to do..
1.Art - Do 4-5 paintings, to a very high standard. Finish my second design sheet that was supposed to be finished about 4 months ago. And how long will all that take? I'd say every lunchtime this and next week, plus a couple of hours after school. And that's not happening. Why? Well..
2.Maths - Catch up on one whole chapter and some of the next chapter, none of which I understand. Go over the whole unit 3 which I can't really do. Revise EVERYTHING as the prelim is next week (I think). How long is that going to take? Every lunchtime this and next week, plus study support on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. And a couple of hours at home every night.
3. Physics - Now physics isn't actually that bad as we've already finished unit 3 so I didn't miss anything. But I have a lot of revision to do as the prelim is next Monday, and I have a NAB and 2 extension tests and some practical work to do as well. How long will the revision take? I'd say about an hour a night. Not too bad.
4. Music -Missed absolutely fuck all. Thank God. Still need to revise for the exam though.
5. English - We have already done everything we'll need for the exam, but I need to revise it ALL which includes a play, 2 short stories and 4 poems. Better start memorizing those quotes! And there is also Close Reading...
6. Philosophy -That's cool since I've only missed one lesson last Wednesday. But I'll have to start revising cause there is a lot of shit to remember.

Well, let's see now. An average day for me should look like this then:
0 -7 -Sleep
7-8:30 -Getting ready
9 -3:30 -School, with only a 20 minute break as I will be up in art at lunchtime... (and even probably some intervals)
3:30-5 - Study support
5-7 - Painting/drawing
7-9 -Maths
9-10 -English
10 -11 -Physics
11- 11:30 -Philosophy
11:30 -11:59 -Music
11:59 -12- Olga time which includes practising piano, practising bass, writing a blog, checking facebook, msn, cleaning my room, having a shower. Generally having a life.

Yep, that is not even possible. Good luck me.
The only way to manage all that is sleeping for about 2 hours a night. Of course then the only way to get through the day would be drinking 10 litres of coffee (which I don't even like) a day. And not dying.

Actually I'm glad I have a study timetable now. I can stare at it and cry.

I think THAT says enough about my life at the moment. I'd advise you to stay away from me for the next couple of weeks.

Someone's In The Wolf

2010-03-19T17:44:00.003Z

Right, after a sleepless night i finally got to sleep at 11ish and got up at half 3. Fantastic.

It's Friday night, and I have nowhere to sleep. Great. But that's the least of my problems.
The main problem is my head. I know what I want, but is what I want the right thing, or would I just cause myself more pain. Just another battle in the Head-Heart war. I still don't understand why things can't just go according to plan for once, and why I'm stopping myself from being happy, by being a twat. I've never considered myself stupid, but I probably should, because I am. Very much so. I sometimes wish I didn't have any feelings at all, I wouldn't keep getting hurt and hurt other people on my way.
I just want to be happy like I used to be, but unfortunately, that is really up to other people. I've realized, as much as I want to, I don't seem to be in control of my luck or my happiness. I try my hardest for everything to be perfect, but for it to be perfect I need other people. And whenever I have to rely on someone else, it's a fail and I end up being upset and getting hurt.

Having faith in people can be very risky, as they can very easily let you down. Should I just forget about everyone else and live in my own wee bubble, not trusting anyone? Maybe I would be happy for once, if I just didn't have such faith in others, and didn't rely on them. But then if I don't trust others, who am I meant to trust? Because I sure can't trust myself. Perhaps "trust" is something I should just leave behind and live the rest of my life not trusting anyone and trying to forget what "trust" is altogether?

I don't even know why I'm upset right now. Maybe I just feel like I've been let down by someone, or even myself.

Overall, my life isn't bad at all. So do I have a right to complain? I don't know. I tend to take things really personally and I get really emotional. I just manage to hide it well, I guess. Most of the time stuff really does get to me though, but I try to stay positive as much as I can. And usually (as I've said before) music helps me get over things and always cheers me up. It's probably the reason I managed to stay such a positive person. Sometimes too positive.

Seriously, some days I just vomit sunshine...

PS: Here's a rainbow. It'll help us all get through the day

Happy 17th Post, Me!

2010-03-18T20:43:00.002Z

17 posts! Woo!
Soon I'll be publishing a book!

"What's up?", you ask.
Well, I'm ill. I have been off school since Tuesday. And I'm not really complaining, apart from the fact that I feel like shit, and I will have SO MUCH to catch up on when I go back... And the more I think about it the less I want to go back to school! I have done hardly any revision. I did quite a lot of physics and I practiced piano, and I did a couple of drawings for art, so I think I'm not doing THAT bad... right?

Yeh, I'm still lazy. There's no excuse. Although I have improved on my piano, so it's not all that bad.
That's enough for a TYSIC update.

Moving on.

I noticed that now everyone seems to have a blog. I just want everyone to know I STARTED IT!
Not really... but still. I made Chris make one, thinking it would help him with his silly, silly head. Then Andrew started one and now other people are thinking of doing it as well. It's hardly a "movement" but still. I of course wish them all good luck, and I'm only scared of becoming competitive again, but hopefully that wont happen. After all, my blog is supposed to be personal, and for putting my own thoughts down. If you're reading it you must be very nosy. Kiddin'. You cool.
But honestly, when I read back my posts I just sound so lame. I apologize, I'm not really that lame...

*sigh*

I am.
Really, get out while you can.

Anyway, have I mentioned I love music? haha
No, but seriously, I think music is actually stopping me from revising - I just wanna sit here and listen to music, it's so good. It helps me relax, and makes me forget about everything, I just feel like I'm in my own wee bubble and I forget about everything and I could do that forever - just sit here and listen to music. And as I am very bored today, because a certain friend is not here to talk to me about silly things like dinosaurs and french toast. But I'm managing, I have other people!

By the way, anyone has a spare bed for friday night? I'm kinda getting kicked out the house for the night. My mum is having a birthday party and I'm not invited, and I don't really have a place to stay. Well, I have one place in mind, but it depends on the person, I doubt they even want me there to be honest, I've been a little bit of a bitch.

Anyway, I don't wanna bore you anymore with my lame lameness (that apparently isn't "lame", it's "emal"). I know you're bored, I just saw you yawn. I'm going to say goodnight now, then play some more piano and then sleep! And I can sleep as much as I want since.. guess what...no school for me tomorrow!

Toodles Poodles Noodles

Skin And Bones

2010-03-17T11:56:00.009Z

Took The High Dive Into Your Brain
And You Made Your Only Calls
You Just Might Wear Your Welcome Out If You Don't Let It Go

Wow.
My feelings just keep changing, especially after listening to Foo Fighters for some reason.

And There's Nothing That You Couldn't Say,
'Cause You Said It All Before.
Think It's Time You Walk This Lonely Road All On Your Own.

I guess it's to do with the fact that sometimes you can just relate to a song. And many times a song makes you realize how you really feel when you're confused. And just like I wrote in one of my previous posts, about how you can relate to a TV show and the characters, it's just the same with songs. Just like you can learn some life lessons from Scrubs, you listen to a song and you feel like it's addressed to you for some reason, and it makes you think about your life and your feelings.

It's Your Cold Day In The Sun
Looks Like Your Bleeding Heart
Has Already Won

As I mentioned music is like the most important thing in my life, and it's not just because of the actual music, but it's also the lyrics. I can always find something I can relate to, something that describes one's feelings, on a slightly deeper level than :"I want to have sex with you but your boyfriend might punch me, oh what do I do, my life sucks falalalala". I know it's probably uber-lame, but that's just how I feel about music. It's done so much for me, it's more than just some chords and a drum beat or whatever. Sometimes even just the music, without any words, can bring out some emotions, and I think it takes a lot of talent to be able to achieve that as a composer and I worship the artists who manage to do so. And yeah, sure I listen to music that doesn't make me cry or reflect on my life, but for me the best musicians have at least one song that brings tears to my eyes.

Wish I Could Take It Away
And Save You From Yourself
You Get So Lost Inside Your Head Like No One Else

For me, music is something personal, and it should be kept that way. It's kind of like poetry in a way. You can relate to it. For example, if you take someone like Jason Mrazzilla, writing a song about being heartbroken - it's his feelings he's talking about, but many people who are also heartbroken can listen to the song and relate to the lyrics, and perhaps use it to heal the broken heart. I would know because that's what I did, and since I'm a freak, listening to music really does help me heal from any emotional wounds.

Looking For Someone To Blame
Blame Me All Along
You'll Take The Heat, But You Would Never Take The Fall

Right now I'm feeling really lost and confuzzled, and some songs actually bring me to tears. A moment ago, I was just doing my physics revision and decided to listen to the Foo Fighters. So I did. For some reason after listening to How I Miss You and Walking After You and Over And Out, my eyes got all watery and I started thinking, and couldn't concentrate on my revision so decided to write things down on this. It's strange how a few songs can bring out such feelings and emotions.

It's Your Cold Day In The Sun...

Crazy But I'm Relieved This Time

2010-03-17T09:05:00.002Z

So, it's 9 in the morning, Wednesday, school day. I'm in my bed, on MSN talking to Suthie, listening to the Foo Fighters. Why is this? Well I'm ill. After walking for like a mile and being outside for like an hour and a half on Saturday, on the way to the party, I got the cold. Yeeeeey.

The party was bangin' though. Totally worth it.

Although, not all of it was that good. At about 5ish, things happened that just confuzzled me and made me think about what I actually want. It was a difficult choice but I decided that I cannot afford to get hurt again, and it was time for me to "look for happiness" somewhere else and just move on. I tried my best to make others happy but only got 2 weeks of tears in return. No thanks, I'll shop somewhere else from now on.

It's also nice to finally hear the "L" word and other things I have been dying to hear for the past few months. When I hear them I'm just really happy. Finally. Even if it doesn't last for too long, it still helped me heal and made me smile. And recently I've not had many things to smile about.

Although the thought of losing a close friend is killing me, I can't do anything about it anymore. There were so many times when I was willing to forgive them, and fix things, but I only got shot down. I think I've given up, and I think that friend also is giving up.

"Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y’know, in some cultures, a chicken.You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it’s couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don’t let it take them down.One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it’s right, and they’re real lucky, one of them will say something.”

Moving on...

TYSIC!
I revised yesterday, and I'm going to revise today, as because I've been off, I have a lot to catch up on. I also have two prelims next week.. or the week after.. But I'm aiming for two As :) Wish me luck.
Also, on he Mark Watson's forum we all decided we should all meet up (all TYSICers) sometime in the summer. I think it would be epic. Also, today, the winner of the iPod competition thing is going to be announced and we think we might send the iPod to loads and loads of people who would pass it on after adding one song to it, so when the winner gets it they'll have loads and loads of new music on their iPod. Epic idea, lets hope it works. I am also very happy for all TYSICers because from what I've read they are all doing really well. I am also going to give blood, as one of my TYSIC friends' challenge is to get 10 people to give blood. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go about that though, but I'll work something out.
That's about it, and I apologize I haven't written anything in ages, my dear readers. Tonight you'll finally be able to sleep!

Toodles

Another Heart Is Cracked In Two

2010-03-14T19:26:00.002Z

Last night was brill. At the same time stuff happened, and things were said, that shouldn't have.
I wish things were different, I really do. But I just can't take this anymore. I tried, I really have. And just as I was getting relatively happier, BAM, I'm down again, because I'm losing a friend. And there's nothing I can do about it. Things happened that confused me. I don't even know how I feel anymore or what I think. I just know I'm not happy with how things are right now, and how they are going to be.

I'm just trying to move on, because I got hurt, and I got hurt bad. I'm trying to find a way to move forward. It's so hard. No-one tells you that before you get into the stuff, no-one warns you about the consequences. Not even Scrubs!

And I thought that after everything, it would be impossible to lose someone like that. But I guess nothing's impossible when you try your hardest to fuck it up...

The only thing I can do right now is forget about it all. Move on. Yeah, it was fun while it lasted. And yeh, I wish it lasted for longer. But it didn't and I have to accept it and move on.

I was warned before, that I will lose a friend, that I'll get hurt. But did I listen? Of course not. I didn't believe it. After so long I thought it was impossible for things to go wrong. I thought the drama was over. The drama had just begun though.

Now it's pretty much over. Is it over forever? I don't know, I really don't. I don't even know if I want it to be over or not. It's not just losing that special someone, it's losing a friend. And I've never ever wanted that. I still don't.

And I still think that, all the drama and the crying... it was worth it. I wouldn't swap those 3 months for anything.

It hurts. Things will get better though, with time. Waiting, and going with the flow is the way forward. Good luck Me.

My Life Lessons

2010-03-13T11:55:00.009Z

I decided to write a blog now. You'll all be going "woo hoo".
What about? Well, I haven't really thought that far ahead yet. I'll just go with the flow.

For the past two years or so I have been a massive Scrubs fan. You know that TV show, with doctors and such. I can honestly say I have seen every single episode more than 10 times. And no, I don't think it's sad at all, I absolutely love it, and I don't mind still watching it. The reason I like it? Well, apart from the obvious, which is that it is absolutely hilarious and silly and cute and has a good story, it's the fact that I can relate to it. Each episode teaches you a life lesson, and I know a lot of shows are meant to do that, but with Scrubs it seems so genuine.

Scrubs is my main source of life lessons, and I'm not ashamed. It really is a show I can relate to (and I'm sure lots of other people can too). All the things that the main characters are going through, they make you look at your own life, and you realize you're not different. And I am aware of the fact that most TV shows are like that to a certain extend -similar to real life. But with Scrubs it's different than with, let's say, Friends. The main characters, JD and Elliot, do end up together, but there isn't a whole massive "STOP THE PLANE" scene. It just seems more like real life.

So which characters I relate to then? Well, I'm going to start with Carla. I can't relate to her that much, but just like her, I like to have some sense of control over things. I can be a little bossy sometimes and I get upset when I don't get what I want. But that's as far as the similarities go - I don't think I'm better than anyone else and I can make fun of myself, unlike her.

Another character and probably the character I relate to the most is Elliot. She is a freak, she's insecure, she just wants to be happy, she's silly, and cries a lot (especially in the first couple of seasons). She just wants to be loved. But It's not just her character that I can relate to - it's also the things that happen to her, or the things she does. So many things I can relate to. I'm not going to say what the things are, because the world doesn't need to know. Probably the thing that makes my story like Elliot's story the most happened at the end of season 3. But that's all I'm gonna say. It's the whole drama between her and JD that seems so familiar.

The main character and narrator, John Dorian, is similar to me in many ways as well. For starters, he's lonely, he's silly, he says things he shouldn't, he wants to be loved (again), and the main thing - he constantly has conversations with himself in his head. I am and I do all of those things, and I do realize most people do as well, but this is my blog and this is about how I feel close to the characters! The character of JD is a good and loyal friend, but makes mistakes, just like all of us. The things that he says or that happen to him make me sometimes even cry. Like a the end of the episode "My Cold Shower", when Keith proposes to Elliot, JD realizes that "it should have been him". I am generally an emotional person, but that one line brings tears to my eyes. And in a strange way, I can also relate to the situation between Elliot and JD at that point. It's also other relationship stuff they are going through that I relate to in one way or another. The drama between them, the changing feelings, the "almost" kisses, all that sort of stuff. Reminds me of my own life, I guess.

So, the main characters I sympathise with and relate to are Elliot and JD, especially Elliot. It's quite scary how by looking at their lives you learn things about your own life, you learn a lesson from their mistakes, you learn from their wins, from everything that happens to them. And, just like Elliot, I wish that one day I will find my JD.

...

2010-03-13T01:43:00.000Z

But I'm still not good enough.

Word of the day: Jobby

2010-03-12T20:46:00.009Z

You know that Lady GaGa song, Bad Romance.. Well today at break me and my dear friends tried to work out what she is saying after the "gaga ooh lalala" bit. We came to the conclusion it's "why jobby romance". Listen to it and tell me I'm wrong!

Apart from that I don't really have anything meaningful to write. Not that that was meaningful at all, but still. I felt today was a pretty good day overall, with a few bad moments, but there's no such thing as a perfect day, not for me anyway. In physics I put a cardboard box on me and walked round the classroom. In English, along with a few lovely people, I tidied MC Hammer's book shelf and put the books back in alphabetical order. I also finally got what we were doing in maths :Wave Functions. I GET IT! I thought it would have been nice if we all did a Mexican wave in class, but I was the only one...
I also had a chocolate Swiss roll for breakfast. And now I'm stuffing my face with pizza, and I'll continue to do so until I become fat and ugly. Oh wait, I already am one of those things.

Overall it's been a good day though. I got invited to a party tomorrow, and it shall be good. Just got money that I will spend on.. things *winky face*. Oh and I also got asked if i had a condom.

I didn't.

I just got tomato sauce all over myself. But it's okay, I'm not going anywhere tonight anyway.

Well, I honestly don't feel like talking much today. I think things at school are going pretty well actually. Tomorrow and Sunday I am going to revise a lot and do a lot of work. I promise.

Now, it's time to watch X-men. I got it off lovefilm.com. It was supposed to be for me and someone to watch, but now it's just me watching. It's okay though. That person isn't a big Hugh Jackman fan anyway...

Cyaaaaa

PS: I decided to upload some of my paintings for art, since my theme is music and I love music! I know one of them I posted in my last post, but this time I added more keys. It took me a whole period...
And yes. Since I discovered how to add photos properly I have been abusing that feature a bit. Hence, here's a photo of me looking shocked and appalled.

Cyanide

2010-03-11T21:19:00.006Z

Well hello there. No idea why you are here, since I've decided from now on I'm not gonna post links to this or brag about it anymore on Facebook or such. I don't want people to think I'm boring, which I am, but they don't have to know that...

I'm not sure if you've noticed my tone is a bit depressing and negative. We'll so is my life and attitude towards 99% of things at the moment. Apart from chocolate. Chocolate rules, no matter what.

I really don't want to whine about my life on this, I doubt it's gonna help anything, probably just make things worse, as everyone who bothers to read it will just want to kill themselves afterwards. The main point here is that my life is pretty crap at the moment. I guess it should make you appreciate it more when it's actually good and when you're actually happy. I don't think people do that, appreciate things enough when they have them. It's the lack of them that makes you realize how grateful you should have been when you did have them. After all, as cliche as it sounds, nothing lasts forever (Even cold November rain..*20 minute guitar solo*).

I read a story today about a 17 year old girl, who was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 12 and was told she has about 5 more years to go... All she wants is another 10 years so she can do all the things she wants to do and accomplish. Makes you realize that could have been any of us. What if I have cancer and have only a few years left. I probably don't but if I did, I think it would really make me appreciate life even more.

Recently, I have been really down and not happy with life at all, not really been myself, and I just cannot be bothered with anything. I guess I should try to appreciate things more and stop complaining, which I difficult, but worth a try. After all my life isn't that bad eh? Could be worse. Much worse.

But at the same time you just can't help feeling down, can you? You say "oh my life is so crap" when in reality you don't have that much to complain about, right? Yeah, it's true, but at the same time what are you meant to do? Just sit there feeling sorry for yourself? Or thinking that being upset is stupid and it could be worse so there's no point losing sleep over it? Or admit that, yeah, it could be worse, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't be upset?

Bad things happen so you can appreciate all the good things more. Imagine if nothing bad ever happened to you, would you feel lucky and grateful? Probably not, you would have nothing to compare it to, it would just feel normal. But if bad things keep happening, and then finally something good happens, you are happier than ever, and really appreciate it. So I guess that's just just the way it should be. You don't appreciate a meal until you're hungry, you don't appreciate your house, until you're standing outside in the rain with no roof above your head and you sure don't appreciate life until you don't have much of it left.

I don't know what I'm trying to say really. I don't entirely agree with the whole "stop bitching, could be worse" attitude, and I guess I feel, that it's okay to be upset, you need to let the boo hoos out. But at the same time, it's important not to forget you are actually really lucky to have what you do have, because nothing does last forever, and it's important to make the most out of things while they're there.

Just before I go and let you go back to whatever you were doing, a wee update.
Well, I nearly finished my inventing stuff for music. I am nearly finished my design stuff for art. I have nearly cought up with my maths stuff. Now I only need to change the "nearly" into "finally". And I'm planning on doing that before Monday. And since I practically have no life whatsoever I will try to do as much as possible over the weekend. I just want this week to be over.
I will post a wee something, my unfinished painting for art, which made me happy. And it will be finished by monday as well!
There!

PS: I wish everyone good luck with their TYSICs!

Ta

Dolphins!

2010-03-10T21:18:00.003Z

The answer is yes. Only one post today. I've decided two posts a day is just unhealthy.

Speaking of health. No Smoking Day eh? Shouldn't that be everyday... ?

The reason there is only one post today is the fact it's Wednesday. I celebrate Wednesday. No, not really. I had my Philosophy class today and had no time. I apologize to all my loyal fans..

We have a new teacher for Philosophy, Susan (my other teacher) is ill unfortunately. The new person seemed kinda nervous, she's nice but she ain't Susan...
We started unit 4 -Moral Philosophy. The first section of that pretty much deals with pleasure, what it is and how do you decide which things give "greater" pleasure. We also discussed topics such as euthanasia and abortion. Fun times.
With the main subject being "pleasure", there was a lot of sexual innuendos... as one would expect. I learnt that whales need "perfect timing"..much like humans, and that dolphins are the only animal that has recreational sex. Fun facts!

Also, I never got my prelim results back because Susan was off, but the new teacher said she'll let us know next week. Fingers crossed.

As to other things, art study support was mighty fun, I painted a massive hand. Maybe one day I'll show you on this. No promises though.

Today is a very important day for many people and God, as 70 years ago the world stopped spinning for a moment -baby Chuck Norris was born. The planet literally couldn't handle such a profound arrival, so everything came to a halt while the universe realigned itself around his awesome infant power. True story. And at 70 he can still kick your donkey. Woo.

I noticed a weird thing today, I was bored so i decided to explore the mighty Internet, concentrating on the blogging community especially. See the wee button at the top of this lovely page? It says "Next Blog". I spent about 10 minutes clicking it and 95% of the time the next blog was either by someone who is about to have a baby (preggers) or just had one. OR by some religious fanatic. Crazy world. Everyone is either shagging or stupid... kidding, or am I?

I just cut myself with a knife, and got hiccups. I feel that might be karma. Sorry, God is great. He will save you from all the bad things, and will welcome you in heaven, but only if you follow a number of rules which NO-ONE has nor ever will follow completely, in which case he'll send you to a dark, horrible place when you will burn, and scream with pain forever and ever until the end of time. But he loves you.

Fantastic! *thumbs up*.

But let's NOT start me on religion...

I managed not to get any blood from the cut on my sandwiches, win.

I want to thank Christopher for giving me 10p for my bus today. I promised I'd mention him. *snore*

To be honest I think this is it for today. You'll all be going "yipee".

Cheers.

TYSIC Strikes Again

2010-03-09T22:20:00.003Z

Yep, I'm back again today. I know it's weird since I still don't actually have anything to say. I think it's time for a TYSIC update, since most of the people following me are also taking part and they might at least be half interested in what I have to say.

Well for starters, I still haven't decided on all my "goals" but I have a few things so far, and I'm going to take a moment to explain why I chose them. It's more for myself rather than anyone else, so if you don't give a shit, look away now. I wont judge. :)

Well, my first "goal" is 5 higher As and a B.
-Yes, I am doing 6 highers this year, as I am really stupid. Why 5 As? Well, that is kind of obvious, I wanna get into uni, be successful etc. But I also want to show that I can go to a different country, live there for 4 years, and still get the best grades, with English being my second language. I already kind of proved that with my seven 1s, int 2 Maths A and a higher A in ESOL in 3rd and 4Th year. Yes, excellent results, but highers are a completely different deal. They matter and they matter a lot. And I want to prove that those results weren't just "luck" or whatever. Also most English teachers, when they heard I was taking higher, without having done int 2 or SG, weren't very happy, and didn't actually think I'd be able to do it. And as it turned out I managed to pass my prelim. Just, but it was still a C. So maybe they shouldn't be judging me, just because I haven't done it before, doesn't mean I can't do it just as well as everyone else. And that's why I would love to get a B, just so I can prove them all wrong. And I believe I can get an A, if I work my ass off, which I haven't been doing... but I'm starting this week. Wish me luck. And this brings me on to my next point.

I need to stop procrastinating. I always want to start some work but then I think.. "It won't hurt if I watch some Desperate Housewives or Scrubs" "I'll have my tea first", "I deserve a break" etc. The truth is I'm just lazy and ah cannae be arsed. Yey.

This week it's all going to change though. That was supposed to happen last week but things got in the way, and I had other things on my mind unfortunately. This week however is going to be different. What I have done already, which I wouldn't have done if it wasn't for TYSIC is my maths homework. I know I should be doing it etc, but recently, finding the energy and will to do ANYTHING has been impossible. So I did my maths homework, and it did make me feel better, because I actually did something! It was my first, tiny step towards becoming a decent human being.

Btw, fun fact of the day, Pistachios are NOT nuts, therefore calling them Terrorist Nuts or the Nuts of Evil (in my previous post) is wrong. I shall refer to them as Terrorist NotNuts and the NotNuts of Evil from now on. Thank you.

My other goals, such as practising my instruments everyday, which is more of a short term thing rather than a matter of the far-distant future (like for example, a good job, a private yacht, an unicorn), aren't doing that well either. I haven't touched my bass since Friday, I have practiced piano, so that's half good I guess. I will do it from now on though. I promise.

Also, I have made no effort towards writing a song. I want it to be good, and I won't write it unless I have some inspiration. And right now all I could write about is how much I don't like myself. But I will get to it one day.

And lastly.
I will complete Mrs Callaghan's cube thingy, before the end of this term. I will.
Thanks for reading yet another enormous post. I honestly don't know why they are so long. I guess it's to do with the fact that I actually have a lot to say, and not many people who would want to listen. Hence the "My Happy Place" thing- I can actually say whatever I want.

Doesn't change the fact that they are probably quicker ways of saying all this stuff..

Georange!

2010-03-09T17:12:00.014Z

This post features the Magical Adventures of George "Georange" The Orange! by me and Lydiasaur.

Well, let me tell you the story. It was Tuesday afternoon, quite a nice day, not too cold. Lydiaa and Olga were sitting in maths quite happily doing their work, like good girls are supposed to. Then the bell went.
-Oh Dear!- says Lydia.
-Are you staying here for lunch so we can finish this exercise?- said Olga in a hopeful voice. She knew Lydiaa was gonna say "yes". She knows Lydiaa well, they have been together for 3 and one seventh weeks, and celebrated their Lamp Anniversary just yesterday. After everyone left, a witch appeared. She was a mathematical witch, with a hat, and she was known as Callaghania. She was very frightening, however Lydiaa and Olga weren't scared: the witch was outnumbered. And she knew that, she had to think of a plan. After a moment of silence she finally spoke.
-Would you like an orange?- Olga and Lydiaa looked at each other, they knew the witch was up to something...And indeed the oranges were spiked with poison. They didn't know that though. After a moment, they accepted the oranges, after all they were just back from a dangerous and tiring trip to China, and were hungry. Moments later, Callaghania disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The girls proceeded to peel the skin off the oranges. Lydiaa struggled with the skin, as she was not used to modern life, but she managed to finally peel it off. Olga has worked with oranges on her farm before, so she was fine and took the skin off with one swift movement. Just as they were about to take a bite, the oranges spoke with one voice.
-Don't eat me! -The girls looked at each other is shock.
-But we hungry. Om nom nom nom - Said Lydiaa with a sad face. Olga looked at her.
-But it talks! Lets put it on the table and listen to what it has to say - They did. A second later bits of the oranges started moving slowing across the table, and the girls saw an orange face slowly forming out of them. The face looked sad.
-Hi, thank you Olga. Let me introduce myself. I'm Georange, and Callaghania casted a spell on me last Friday, and ever since I've been an orange. She also spiked me with poison, she doesn't like you that much.
-Why does she not like us? -Asked Lydiaa puzzled.
-Your prelim results weren't too good. She was very disappointed, after all she has trained you for years now. But she means good..
-Oh. -said both girls at the same time.
-Listen to me -said Georange quietly -You must help me. -they listened. -You must take me to China!
-But we just got back from China - said Olga, not impressed by the orange's ability to speak. She's hard to impress. -Yea, and we're hungry! -Lydiaa looked upset. This time Georange didn't look impressed. More angry really. -But you must do it! I am your king! -The girls looked at each other and laughed. Their stomachs however weren't laughing. They only got hungrier and hungrier. -No. We will eat you now - said Lydiaa. She didn't care -to her, the stomach always came first.. well, second. Olga always came first.

Lydiaa then, with one quick movement of her hand, grabbed Georange's lips and put them in her mouth. Georange cried with pain.
-I will kill you! - he screamed. He was sad. But the girls were hungry! He told them he was poisonous, but they didn't believe him. After all he was just a talking piece of fruit. Olga knew not to listen to those. She didn't trust food, ever since she was attacked by Terrorist Nuts (pistachios). Olga joined Lydiaa and started eating Georange's face. He screamed with pain. After a while he had lost most of his eyes. Lydiaa and Olga enjoyed the oranges.
-These oranges are good! Maybe Callaghania isn't all bad after all...
Soon there was less and less left of him. The girls thought it would be nice to at least give Georange an eye patch. They did. And they laughed at how ridiculous that idea was. Soon the orange had no eyes left.
There was one bit left, the mouth. Still alive and screaming. Lydiaa looked at Olga. She nodded. Lydiaa then took the last piece of the mouth and ate it. The orange screamed for the very last time and Lydiaa swallowed him with satisfaction.
-Well, that was weird -said Olga confused. Then something happened. Both of them felt strangely sick and then they realized: Georange wasn't lying. Poison. Certain death. Lydiaa and Olga suddenly hugged because they realized they will never see each other again. Oh noes! But as they hugged, the power of their love made the poison go away. Yey! A rainbow appeared. They smiled, and holding each other's hands, they skipped towards the horizon and lived happily until the day of their next NAB.

THE END.

True story. After that, my dear hairy friend Cailean came up with a phone. It was Liam, or as I call him, Hamster. Lydiaa talked to him about bread and such for a while, and then I talked to him. And I was threatened to be killed unless I mention him here..I'D RATHER DIE!

That's it really. I'll probably write more later, after my homework, after all Georange took most of lunch which I was supposed to dedicate to MATHS. Oh well. Thank you for reading. Love you all, especially Eireann, she rocks my boat. Yellow!

Ta

Slow Night, So Long

2010-03-08T21:59:00.003Z

I'd like to start with informing you that today is me and Lydia(a)'s 3 week anniversary, also known as: Lamp Anniversary. Dear Lydiaa, the past 3 weeks have been amazing and I'm lucky to have you in my life. Love, Olgie 3.14 xxx

SO!

Well, I had my piano lesson, which went quite well actually. But I'm not going to bore anyone with that story, not even myself.

Monday!
It's been a day full of joy, hasn't it. My face was like Niagara Falls from about midnight till 2 o'cluck (tee hee) but I'm fine now. I guess. Also kept getting chest pains all day, like right now, but I'm kind of used to those, they are stress-related, but do go away eventually. Apart from that, I'm sure you will all be pleased to know that I'm as healthy as the people from toothpaste adverts.
Enough of the Olga's-Health updates. No one cares.

I've been trying to work harder at school, and I do, but then, the moment I open the door to my room, all I want to do is... nothing! Which I pretty much do. And with my second prelims coming up that really is the wrong attitude to have. But I'm working on it.

I just wanted to take a moment to thank one of my friends for being there for me the past few days and listening to me saying the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over again. I really appreciate it and it means a lot to me. I'm sure you'll all agree it's nice to have someone you can turn to when life isn't going as well as it should. Thank you.

On a different note.. no,wait... I keep saying that now.. I need a new thing!

*clears throat*

On another frequency (of a sound wave), I have been catching up on the marvelous tv show, known as Desperate Housewives. I can finally say I am on season 6, episode 3. Megavideo has died on me unfortunately so looks like I'll be stuck on that episode for quite a while now. I don't mind.

I don't really have much more to say today, and I have been told my posts are "neat", as in "incredibly awesome, fascinating, thrilling, and should be made into a film, much like Juno". No, not really, just "neat". Sorry for lying. So yeah, I feel now there is some sort of a standard my posts have to meet, which makes this harder than it actually is. Thanks a lot people.

Kiddin', you cool.

I forgot about my English homework until 5 minutes ago and Mrs Macfie AKA MC Hammer, is going to tie me to a mountain and rip my liver out. If only she could see how well written my blog is! LOOK AT ALL THE APOSTROPHES!

Anyway I better go now, I need to harvest my Soybeans...

Hmm..

2010-03-08T16:27:00.003Z

Just as I tried my hardest to STOP believing, the Journey song (Glee version *pukes a little*) came on telling me not to. Poo

I think I will though. Or else I'll just get more hurt...

On another note, I shall write a proper post soonish, after my piano lesson, which I'm completely unprepared for!

Maybe Not Completely Hopeless.

2010-03-07T20:48:00.005Z

Okay, last post might have been kind of depressing, but I feel it did end on a more positive note? Like a B for example (as opposed to B flat..) *pause for laughter*.

I wrote it last night, tried to sort my thoughts out. It's a Rocky VI sort of speech- it's about not giving up. And now I've decided to look back at what I have done over the past few days. I'm still in my first TYSIC week, and I haven't really set out my goals yet, but what I did say I wanted to do is practice my instruments every night and do a fair amount of school work. Yey.
I feel I haven't really been working enough towards those goals. I've not practiced my instruments this weekend at all, I have done next to nothing in terms of school work, and I generally spent a vast majority of my time lying in my bed, sitting on MSN and feeding my chickens on Farmville. Not the most productive I've ever been, and not the most productive I should have been. The reasons and excuses may vary, but sheer laziness was the main reason behind it all.

So therefore I've decided I cannot continue like this, if I ever want to achieve anything at all. And I do, very much so. So after having a wee inner conversation with myself, I decided to do some work. I did my English and Maths homework- I know, not much, but it's always a place to start. And I even practiced the piano for a bit, and I will return back to it after I post this thrilling and incredibly fascinating update.
I feel I'm making some progress, I still haven't done much but I feel more motivated. I will also stay for study support, go up at lunchtimes, etcetera. It is much easier to work at school, at home all I want to do is lie in my bed and eat salty popcorn watching a random episode of Scrubs for the umpteenth time (never gets old). But I will try to do as much work as humanly possible at home as well as school. In my case, it won't be much, but always some improvement.

My dad just gave me chocolate. Score.

I have decided on another goal -I'd like to write a song. Not necessarily the music, but the lyrics. I've always wanted to, but I've always thought I'd sound really cheesy. I have moved on from Jason "Mrazzilla" Mraz (whom I've been listening to a lot recently) and now I'm in a Kings Of Leon mood. Maybe they will influence me to write a song, and instead of writing a song about love/happiness/betrayal/pain (or simply:"relationships") which are the main subject area for Mrazzilla, I might now get inspired by, for example, a chair. Although I don't have a chair in my room... We'll see how it goes. If I do manage to produce some sort of lyric, I will put it up here somewhere.

I have finished my chocolate now...

I think this is all i really had to say, I'm gonna try hard to work towards my goals (getting 5 As at Higher level, becoming good at bass and piano and so on), and even though sometimes I'm feeling down and useless I will not give up and I will try hard to "get up" and avoid that next "kick" life will have for me. I'm surprised I give myself that kind of speeches, I haven't even seen Rocky...

Hold Your Own, Know Your Name, And Go Your Own Way..

2010-03-07T01:51:00.004Z

How am I? A mess is the only word to describe it. And I don't even know in what way I'm such a mess. I don't really know anything. I keep telling myself to stay strong, after all I'm better than this.. right?

Calm Down, Deep Breaths...

Yeah, this is tough and simply unfair on me. Or maybe I'm just telling myself that? Maybe it's exactly what I deserve, after all, I haven't been the person I should have been, I made some bad choices, some mistakes, I've hurt others. I've hurt myself. Looking back.. I thought I was strong. Am I really?

If You're Shocked It's Just The Fault Of Faulty Manufacturing...

I can say things have pretty much turned out the way I wanted, most of the time anyway. Am I shocked this time is different? Should I be surprised? Did I think I was "untouchable"? I mean, I think if you're nice, and try to live a good life, things will turn out fine in the end, right? What if they don't though..?

If It's A Broken Part, Replace It...

I mean yeah, sure, I knew life isn't all rainbows and sunshine. My life has never been like that, it's not been easy. But I've tried to stay strong, stay myself, things always work out fine, right? If something isn't going as planned you need to look at the situation carefully and fix it, bit by bit. And not give up. Never give up.

Everything Will Be Fine...

Why wouldn't it be fine, I'm not a bad person. Yeah sure, I made some mistakes, some bad choices, but am I a bad person? No, I don't think so. I can be selfish, and cold. But no-one's perfect. Does that mean I should stop trying to fix my imperfections? In the ever lasting pursuit to perfection is there even a slight chance of getting half way there? But should we give up? Just because the race is hard, it makes it even more satisfying once you get closer to the finish line. Nothing worth having comes easy.

Everything In No Time At All...

We're all only human after all, bad things will happen to us, on a (more less) daily basis. Life will kick us down, and then kick us again while we're down. But if we do manage to stand back up again, maybe life will just get bored? Maybe we'll see that next kick coming and we'll be able to duck. Will life ever give up trying to kick up right down? Maybe that's what life is all about, the ability to get back up again, with your head held up high, stronger and wiser. The harder you get kicked, the more satisfying getting back up is. Curling up and feeling sorry for myself will not help, will not teach me how to be stronger. Running away and hiding when things get hard, when you don't know what to do, what to think, when things become "too new", too freaky, too scary, is just running round in circles and won't help anything, it wont fix anything, things don't magically fix themselves, just because they have turned out fine before, with little effort, doesn't mean that's always gonna be the case.
It's worth the wait, It's worth the pain.

But It's Nice Today, Oh The Wait Was So Worth It..

Crying doesn't help.

I'm better than that. I am. And you are.

I'm talking shit, I'm going to bed now.

Oh, Sausages!

2010-03-06T19:53:00.006Z

I'm not sure what I'm gonna write about yet so bear with me. I'm just gonna go with the flow! How crazy.
Well, today's been boring really, didn't do much, apart from this, my beloved Facebook and a bit of Twitter. Should have done some homework, but hey, I deserve a break too..

Oh my, the blog turned out to be more successful than I thought, with at least 3 people who have read my first post. This puts me in a bit of a weird position (not literally, I am just sitting down..) as the purpose of this blog was mainly to sort my thoughts out, sort myself out, have a little bit of Me Time, in my Happy Place, without being judged and all that jazz. Now that I know I actually have some "followers" I'm scared of becoming one of those people who have others in their minds when writing a blog, rather than themselves. After all this is my blog, and I'm going to treat it like a diary. Obviously I can only count on like one person at the most, to read it regularly, so you're probably thinking "so whatcha complainin' 'bout bitch!", and also I actually put a link to this up somewhere so yeah.. But I'm going to try my hardest to just write whatever I feel like and if someone wants to read it, go right ahead I don't really mind, or try not to.
I'm an open person I guess, so even in real life you can pretty much ask me anything.. not that you should, so i shouldn't have a problem with people reading this haha

Well, I'm glad we've got that sorted.

Now..
I've been sitting in my room all day, doing not much, the usual. I left the room to have a shower (oh how I love those!) and whilst showering I was singing, or rather I tried to. The song was one of Jason Mraz's (or as I call him Mrazzilla) songs, and when I came back that exact song, even the exact bit I sung was playing. I found that rather bizarre to be honest, my computer can read my mind! ..or not
I've been listening to Mrazzilla ALL DAY (on Spotify), and the number of times I heard that "you have taken cocaine" advert is so large it actually makes me want to take cocaine, seriously. Bad Spotify!

My dear friend Christopher, wanted me to mention him, but that ain't happening!
tee hee
He has a bad headache, everyone say "awww" now.

On that bombshell, it's probably time for me to shut up, and stop wasting your precious time! Especially since it's my second post today. I'll have to make sure I don't use this as Twitter/Facebook. I'm just gonna keep you updated on how my TYSIC is going and other things, like my boring life. If the posts are getting too boring just imagine me reading them out in a funny voice, or a black woman's voice. Or don't, whatever floats your boat. I'm probably gonna end up writing it in a funny voice as I'm probably going to bore myself as much as i bore you. I apologize.
See you tomorrow!
PS: You have some toothpaste on your beard... just kiddin, you cool.

Where Do I Start?

2010-03-06T14:49:00.003Z

Well, ahoy there. I was inspired to start this blog by the fantastic comedian known as Mark Watson. Maintaining this blog is part of my TYSIC (Ten-Year Self-Improvement Challenge) where Mark Watson asked his twitter/blog followers to set a number of goals to achieve over the next ten years, the challenge ends on the 4th of March 2020. In 10 years time I'm gonna try to achieve some goals I have set for myself, first one being maintaining this blog haha. My other ones are:
1. Stop procrastinating
2. Work hard towards my 6 Highers at school
3. Be more confident and don't take life for granted.
4. Practice bass/piano every night until I become good :)
5. Overcome my problem of typing "ht" instead of "th".. every time I type "teh" I die a little inside..

There's probably more challenges to come, but this will do for now.
I'm also going to try to keep this blog as grammatically correct as possible, there's no need to make it even harder to read, the fact it's going to be such a snore makes it hard enough.

SO!
Music huh?
The most important thing in my life. No doubt. I am in love with music and completely addicted to it. From Mozart to Metallica and Led Zeppelin to Frank Zappa to Arctic Monkeys to Jason Mraz! I myself play bass guitar and I'm learning piano. I'm in two bands and I enjoy being in both more than anything, and i really hope I stay in them as long as possible. Music has saved my life before, as whenever I’m down, I listen to it. It saved me from suicide thoughts when my parents were splitting up. It sometimes saves me from crying, or sometimes makes me cry. Either way it is the single best thing that exists. It’s the only thing that I can trust, it heals my broken heart and helps my headache. In a world where I cannot trust anyone anymore, not even myself, my love for music is the only thing that remains constant. On that note I better go now, gotta do something productive, buy a cat or something..